We are having leftovers tonight and Jeremy is working a little late. The kids are watching The Wiggles in the playroom while I check emails and look online at shoes I want to buy with money my husband is giving me from our income tax return! But I'm distracted and since all of you tell me how much you enjoy my honesty on this blog, I will take a moment to be honest with you about a current situation in my life.
Here's the deal. My blog is not what it once was. My blog actually challenged me at one time because I could come on here and type what I was feeling or struggling with. Now I have people who read it from my past (people I have no relationship with at all) or friends and family that would love to know what is going on in our lives and make a judgement call. But how stupid to air dirty laundry for the world wide web anyway, right?!
I miss being able to really share my guts and share with you my day to day struggles. Unfortunately I can't do that anymore without someone thinking I am talking about them or someone thinking something is wrong. The thing is, nothing is really wrong. Life is just full of challenges and ups and downs and hurts and happies and everything else and my blog is no longer the safe place it once was to share all of the above.
Of course I can create a private blog that no one can see unless I invite them to and I may start one of those just to get my feelings out. In fact, I was looking in my posts and I have about ten drafts that were never posted but it sure felt good to get them written out!
Right now I am dealing with some hurt and I'm not feeling like I am getting the care I need. I know that the Holy Spirit is there to bring comfort and truth so that's what I pray for.
I don't type this for your opinions so much (feel free to leave them though), I just type it to say I don't like that I can't share the things I want to share. Hopefully with time, that will change. I've got a lot of pain in my life right now I am trying to deal with and I don't like being in this hot, hot desert anymore. I'm not on a mountain top and I wish there was a way to share it without having everyone wonder what's going on.
