I cannot share details with you but I can tell you that Jeremy and I have spent today in a whole lot of pain. Many times today I have escaped to my closet just so I can scream, cry, or pound my fist into something. God is doing some amazing things in the life of my marriage. Because of that, we are learning how to comfort one another when one is hurting. This pain we are walking through has nothing to do with our marriage but the enemy has definitely tried to use it to cause trouble in our relationship. Today I felt like we both experienced the pain together. This pain has actually caused us to stand as one. We are a team, united and firm. And dang it, that is worth it all! Satan hates that my marriage is getting stronger. He keeps trying to use situations, even people to destroy us but he keeps on losing!
I've spent a lot of time debating on whether or not to share this hurt on my blog. But I am experiencing the most intimate times with God I have ever had. That being said, I know God can use my pain to help one of you. There is a long road ahead and more pain to endure. I am in constant battle against Satan as he tries to terrorize my mind. Since I know the battle is going to be long and difficult, I am clinging to my Savior and to my husband. The pain I have right now is a pain I have not experienced before. The severity of it is so huge. I've never been hurt like this. Never. My family and friends are praying for me and I can feel it. Even those closest to us do not know details, but they know how much we are hurting.
Everything in me, EVERYTHING IN ME, wants to fight. Yet the Holy Spirit SHOUTS, "Be still Mandi. Be still. Wait. Be calm. Wait on me. Hold your peace. Wait on me Mandi. BE STILL and wait. Do not move. I will fight this battle for you. You don't need to move towards ANY type of action. Sit and wait on me. I will fight for you!"
As I've typed this blog out, Jeremy has stood behind me rubbing my shoulders. He is hurting too. Today has been a hard day for him and even my children have suffered from this. We are not sure how God will bring healing to us but we anxiously anticipate it and pray it comes quick!
Exodus 14:13 Moses spoke to the people: "Don't be afraid. Stand firm and watch God do his work of salvation for you today. Take a good look at the Egyptians today for you're never going to see them again. 14 God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!"
If you are feeling like me right now, alone, broken or confused, this song may help a little. Music always helps me to feel and see things God is trying to show me. Thank you Kelly Ann for this song. I love you my friend and I so wish I could meet you at Starbucks right now. :)
11 comments:
Dear Amanda,
I was just sitting down to write you an email and let you know how much your blog has meant to me. I have been meaning to do this for quite some time but maybe this is the day you may need the encouragement the most.....just read your post and please know I am praying for your family. I would love to send you a letter, would you mind dropping me an email? THANKS! Tracy
tracybartholomew@comcast.net
I was just coming here to thank you for the verse alone... I have two situations close to me where family and friends can use it. So thank you!
As for this latest post, I am SO sorry that you're going through this. I hate to see anyone I care about going through pain and I will be fighting this spiritual battle alongside you. Know that I will lift you, your marriage, and your family up in prayer. Hang in there!
warring with you
V.
Not sure what you are going through, but in the midst of tucking my girls into bed you were on my mind, and I just had to take a minute to come check your blog. So glad I did- I will be praying for you- fervently! You are SO right- satan hates strong marriages, so as you are growing together, look out, he is on the prowl.
Thankully you know where your hope and victory lie. Thank you for sharing this- we are called to lift one another up and I am honored to do so.
Praying for you and your family, Mandi.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ps. 34:18
I am sorry that your family is hurting. I am praying for you. May you feel His presense.
Love you friend!
Elizabeth
Praying....
My husband I went through this last summer. It is amazing how much the enemy wants to attack our marriages. I am so thankful for going through it, although it was terribly painful, because it brought us to a place where we are a team and able to battle some pretty big stuff! I will definitely be praying for you!
So sorry you are experiencing the pain that you are. Just keep listening to His voice! (and it sounds like you are)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I don't where this verse is in the Bible but it goes like this - Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.
Nancy
Mandi,
I am sorry to hear you are going through a hard affliction. Keep praising Him for this adversity! Thank Him for the refining He is doing and the sanctification to come. He loves you more than words could ever describe. He's going to abundantly bless you as you seek Him.
Love you girl.
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