Thank you Becca for your encouragement regarding this little blog of mine. Thank you for encouraging me to post this instead of leaving it as a draft! I have a lot of drafts from the last month!
Today I am in a major funk. Usually when I am in a funk I don't have a clear mind. Right now I have a clear mind which lets me know tomorrow is a new day. This is only a moment. Maybe I should start singing and old Sunday School song with the kids. "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands..."
School with the kids was difficult today. I got very frustrated with Josiah and he knew it so he started crying.
Just when I share how God is doing a huge work in my marriage, we are now in the midst of a HUGE argument. There are levels of arguments for us. Some are silly and easy to get over. This one will probably require some outside coaching from someone. Don't know who but someone. I feel like a complete idiot for sharing how great things have been going for us. Today has been a major set back.
Today I am feeling extremely down on myself as a wife AND Mother (Nope, not that time of the month and not even close).
Jeremy's new job is complicating my schedule. He's been home a lot or he's been out of town. It's throwing a huge kink in our schedule and even in our relationship. I don't like this! I think he has to leave town again. But they are moving into the office as soon as they get building permits, etc. Next week should be better with schedules.
I'm struggling with my mind right now a lot. I know what I need to do. I need to get in God's Word and feast! I need some truth. I need to repent. I need to forgive. I need to figure out how to get out of that place of self condemnation in may marriage.
Self condemnation is my biggest struggle.
I don't want to talk on the phone, answer the phone or share my struggles with friends. I want to be alone.
Tomorrow is a new day. Thank you Lord.
And here's to being REAL! Okay, so I'm off to sing that old Sunday School song!
9 comments:
Amanda, You know by now that when we are prospering and God is working in our lives, that is when the devil gets busy - he thinks he can conquer but just hold on...greater is HE that is in us then he that is in the world.
Nancy (I'm the one from Wake Forest University)
I can tell by your blog that you are a strong person.
It's amazing how good it feels to know that others go so up and down in their life too. I was in such a funk last week that it scared me. Thank you for being so honest. It really helps me because I know that you'll come out of it and it lets me know that it's normal.
I love how you just cling to God at these times. Last week, I was begging Him to show me what was wrong in my life. Why was I feeling so down? I took time with Him and had a nice walk in the sun. This week is going much better.
Julie
Amanda reading your blog to day leaves me speechless. This to is my struggle. Today I am encouraged knowing that I am not alone.
In college I did a Bible study on claiming Jesus' name when you are being attacked. I took to saying "Get behind me Satan" and "In the name of Jesus, LEAVE ME ALONE". It really works.
You have all the tools to work through your struggles. Claim Jesus as your happiness and not your external life.
Hugs right back at ya Mandi. I am going to log off and pray for you very specifically to find peace today.
That old peak & valley, ebb & flow in our relationship ALWAYS takes me by surprise. You would think I might see it coming after 18 years but it still knocks the wind out of my sail every single time.
Thank God (literally)that tomorrow is a new day and even better the minute following this one is a place where I can find forgiveness.
Don't feel bad for sharing your blessings. It's counted all for the glory of God!
Blessings Amanda :)
OH, and I can totally relate to the schedule thing and the husband. It makes such a huge difference when things are consistently the same.
Hey, girl. We love you and believe in you and Jeremy. One of my favorite sayings in times of frustration, aloneness, condemnation is that we have to walk hand in hand but we don't have to see eye to eye. Thank you for your honesty and for just being YOU. I think I need to run my favorite shirt over to ya that says, "I AM...Satans worse nightmare!" Fight the good fight, my dear friend. God, your hubby, your children, your family and your friends will NEVER give up on YOU!!! Hang in there ;-)
I love when you are so honest and real. It is very encouraging to watch you walk through your struggles and see you come out on the other side.
I know what you mean about the new job and struggles. Mike's new schedule is so very hard to get used to. I'm struggling bigtime with it!
Thanks and I'm praying for ya!
Thank you for posting this. I was blog surfing and found you.. It made my Wednesday.. have a wonderful week.. Enjoyed your blog...
I am praying for you Amanda! Last week was probably one of the worst weeks for me. Chris has been in Houston almost every weekend and I got to spend my Mother's Day with Carter at CareNow and I was feeling really, really down. I feel that when things start to feel really good in life, Satan has his way of trying to make it difficult. Love you girl and you will get through it...you are strong and such an inspiration to me. I would love to catch up with you and talk.
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