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Yesterday afternoon, I stepped down from my position at church. Yes, the position I have wanted forever!

I am not sure it's even something I can explain but a few months ago I began to hear God whisper in my ear, "This passion you have for worship services, I want in your home." I've wrestled over and over again with God about doing it my way. Maybe taking a month off or only singing and leading once a month or every other week. But, I knew he was asking for all of it.

Not very many people understand, including Jeremy at first. I feel like I need to find out who Amanda, the Mother is. I know who Amanda the worship leader, rock star wanna-be :) and stage girl is! I can sing or speak in front of thousands. I can make a crowd laugh. I can do all of those things and I LOVE doing it! I love looking out and seeing men and women with their hands raised, tears streaming down their face as they connect with God. That's what I have always prayed God would use me for and He has. And He will continue.

Even though my talent and calling has been sanctified and become pure, it's time to give it up. (something I have struggled with) Even though I have finally made it all about HIM and all about loving people, it's time to give it up (something I have struggled with). Just when I "get it", God says it's time to walk away. Just when I am given a position as a worship leader and programming coordinator, something I have ALWAYS wanted, I have to give it up. For years I have said over and over again, "God is preparing me for something big!" I would imagine myself on a large stage singing to thousands. While that will still happen someday (speaking in faith here), God has showed me that the BIG thing I have been waiting on, is right in front of me. Jeremy, Josiah, Ava Beth and Ezekiel. They are who I have prayed for ever since I was little. THEY are the dream come true.

I've had confirmation after confirmation but it's still hard. I am not done with music. I am not done with worship. I pray I will have opportunities to lead worship at retreats every once in a while or speak at a Bible Study. I know those opportunities will come! But I do not believe that this is my time to serve in the capacity I have been inside the church walls. Even as I type this, I CAN'T believe I am typing it!

In the past I have always walked away from something when it became too hard or when I got angry about something or at someone. While my church and ministry is by no means perfect, it is the most amazing ministry and church I have ever been a part of and now God calls me to be a regular church member. This is something I have never been before.

Kindergarten begins in our home next month. I'm VERY excited. Josiah will begin piano lessons and Ava Beth will begin dance. Ezekiel will continue to follow me around the house everywhere I go and be my baby. I'm excited to take on this new role as Teacher! I wish I could start next week. Well, I could if I wanted. :)

This is a new chapter. Exciting but scary too. What will it be like to be in the audience and be a normal person not everyone knows? Will I miss it? Sure! Of course! But I refuse to believe God is benching me. Instead, I choose to believe he is unveiling me. The real me. I can't wait to find out who this girl is! Maybe I will learn to sew. Maybe I will plant a garden. I'm not sure what I will do but I know I will be home every Thursday night and I will be here to get my kids ready for church on Sunday mornings instead of at the church while Jeremy gets them all three ready. I will finally nurture the MOTHER God has called me to be.

My hope is that Drew will still use me to fill in. I don't want him to feel as if I am GONE. I'm not. I pray I can be a resource to my church and ministry. I will be leading Kid's worship for VBS next week and leading worship on the 27th. The first time my Mom will be there to see me!

Please pray for me as I step into this new journey. I need your prayers and encouragement. :)
Time to be a Mommy and dive into their worlds. Right now it's not about me, it's all about them. These are the years I will cherish forever! It's not my decade, it's their decade!

This morning I was making waffles for the kids and Josiah says to Ava Beth, "Sister, we are so lucky. Mommy makes everything homemade because she loves us." I don't know where this kid is getting all of these wonderful things he says to and about me but God has used it to speak to me a lot!! I pray He will want to bring all his friends home to my house when he's in college during the Holidays. I pray He will tell them what a great cook I am and how perfect my pumpkin pies are. I pray Ava Beth will call and ask for my recipes. That's what I want!

On 4th of July she helped me make banana pudding and I looked at her and said, "This is your recipe too so pay attention. You will be making this your whole life and your kids will love it. Everyone will love it and beg you for the recipe!" All of those conversations with them, all of those compliments they give me are more important than anything else in this world! So, I'm gonna chase my dream and be their Mommy!