Red & Purple Skittles

The last day of Summer break. I sit here with so much excitement about the upcoming year, yet I'm a little sad too. I can't believe Monday will be my first day as the Mom of a Kindergartner.

Josiah changed my life. I mean really and truly CHANGED my life. The day he came into my life, I had no idea who I was as a mother or even as a woman. I did not believe in myself, trust myself or think I was worth anything. But the day I held that baby boy in my hands, I had hope.

The doctor placed him in my arms and the only thing I knew to do was cry. As I looked into his eyes, I remember the exact moment of feeling completely overwhelmed with joy. Everything changed. My time had come! I could give someone all the love and attention I had so craved and desired my entire life. God would use the two of us to love each other in the most incredible ways. Little did I know I had just been handed a baby who would need surgery ten days later for Pyloric Stenosis, who would have the worst acid reflux in the history of babies and who would be colic for three, LONG months. But we did it! We made it through those three months and in the midst of those first, very difficult days when I had no sleep and a screaming baby twelve hours a day, I had fallen head over heels in love with my baby boy Josiah. And little by little, I began to love this new person I had become too. A Mom.

Josiah and I have a bond that is very special. It's a bond no one can take from us or come close to. We know each other so well. Of course like any mother I know the little things. Like how he likes his macaroni soupy or his waffles and pancakes with syrup on the side. I know his favorite candy, his favorite root beer and his favorite desert (my chocolate chip cookies). I know Taco Bueno can turn a sad day into a joyous day. I know how a Dr. Pepper or Dr. Thunder will make him smile. I know how much he hates shoes unless they happen to be flip-flops. I know he loves Spiderman and loves trains. He hates getting his hair washed but loves taking baths. He compares all chicken nuggets to Wendy's chicken nuggets because he says they have the best. I agree. He loves pizza but not the crust. I know his favorite ice cream is chocolate chip cookie dough and I know how much a crowd of people completely overwhelms him (much like his daddy). I know his likes and his dislikes. I know it all! I'm Josiah's Mommy and no one can love him like me.

Then there are the things I know that only a mom could know. I know what will make him giggle when he's feeling sad. I know he's the most ticklish thing I've ever seen. I know he gets his feelings hurt very easily. He's sensitive about tone of voice. His memory is incredible and unbelievable. He's loyal to the bone. He is a protector. He is cautious. He takes a while to trust someone. He's a great listener. He's a fast learner. He has a heart for God in the most amazing way. He loves to pray out loud. He asks for prayer when he is hurting. He's a giver. He's thoughtful. He's calm. He has faith. He's gentle. When he cries, he likes to be alone instead of held. After he cries, he's done and ready to move on. He is very forgiving. He is loving. He is smart like I've never seen smart. So smart! He is just like me and just like Jeremy. He is the one out of our three children who is a mixture of us both. He is the oldest, he is my baby forever and always.

Of course since I know so much about him, he knows just as much about me. He knows I love Diet coke so he will bring me one out of the fridge if he thinks I need it. He knows my favorite color. He knows how to compliment me and does so almost daily. He can sense when I'm feeling blue and always says, "You know what? I love you Mommy. You are the best mommy in the whole world." He tells me I'm the best cooker in the whole world. When I walk in the door from running he always, without fail, says "How many miles did you run Mommy?" And when I answer him, he says "WOW! You are a good runner Mommy! I'm proud of you for running those miles." He knows I love red Twizzlers and he knows I only like two kinds of skittles. Red and purple! So every time he eats a package of skittles, he saves the purples and reds and then brings me a hand full. The first time he did this, I almost cried. It was so sweet and thoughtful. He blows me away daily with his love for me. He will be one incredible husband, that is for sure.

Our last day of Summer break. I can't believe it's here. When our babies are first born, it's hard to imagine them ever being big enough to go to school. It seems like yesterday he was learning how to eat solids and now he is almost six and begins Kindergarten on Monday. I wondered how I would feel about the first day of school when it came time. I wondered how hard it would be to drop him off and walk away. This morning I am so grateful God has called me to homeschool my children. Instead of dropping him off, we will learn together. We will continue to share skittles in the middle of the afternoon, enjoy a tiny can of Dr. Thunder after a nature walk and read as many books as we want. It won't be just his first day of school, it will be mine too. It will continue to be how it's always been, mother and son learning and growing together.

I love you Josiah and I can't wait for our first day of school together. I look forward to many bags of Skittles to share through out the school year. I lurrrr. :)

-Mommy