God has sent some incredible people my way through our church family and I could not do life without them. Just yesterday I was telling my best friend, Kelly Ann, how much I miss her showing up at my house with goodie bags or lunch "just because." We all have days when we need that. I like to call it "kisses from heaven". A kiss from heaven can really change a bad day.
The past month I have been a deep, deep, deep pit and I continue to struggle to GET OUT! You would think Kelly Ann had the phone numbers of some of my friends here because my doorbell rang and it was my friend Shana with a 24pack of diet coke just because she wanted to. It's so dang hard for me to receive love from other people because I self condemn so much and when I go to that ugly place of self condemnation, I shut people out.
As I have been on my knees a lot lately, I know I have heard the voice of God. As Kelly Ann likes to say "Me and God had some words today." And that's just it! Me and God have had a lot of words lately!! I haven't held back and He has allowed me to just be me and say what I want to say to him. I've got out my frustration, my pain and my tears and He hasn't gasped once. He lets me say what I need to say and then I hear Him respond. "You tired of this yet? You ready to be free? You ready to truly be transformed and be healed from the past?" Then I answer God as Napoleon Dynamite would, "Heck yes I am!" Then last night or should I say this morning around 2:30am, He says "Okay, it's time to hand it ALL over. Give me all that pain Mandi carries around. Give me the past of that little girl and let her live free once and for all. You will want to quit. You will want to stop in the midst of this battle but keep looking up, you are coming out of the pit!"
I don't have any mud boots. I don't have any shovels. I don't even have a dang rope to try to climb and get out of this wet, muddy, smelly place. But I do have His Word, I do have a husband and kids who love me, friends who will walk with me and the Holy Spirit who will comfort me. I've got Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. He's going to do the work. I've gotta let him!
You know, it seems like I have done this before. Handed it over and said "I'm tired of living this way God. Change me!". Kind of reminds me of this horrible tooth I have. A root canal unfinished. The dentist told me when he did the root canal that he was not able to get all of the root so I would have to come back. Guess who felt better after leaving and felt so great for several months that she thought she didn't need to go back? Yes, that would be me! Until the root is gone, the pain will continue to flare up and cause major pain. Major pain. Abscess kind of pain! Pocket of puss and blood swollen on your gums kind of pain. Keep you up all night kind of pain.
Well since God is a man of His WORD, He has to finish what He started. Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. He will bring us around that mountain over and over again. He will allow us to circle as long as we want. Finally, we get so tired, we gotta stop right there at the mountain and let him pick us up and carry us around it. Then He's finally able to deliver us. Finally, the mountain is gone!
So today I pray that I don't circle it anymore. I pray I really am finally stopped in front of it and NOW He's carrying me. I really am tired. I am tired of sounding like a broken record. I'm just plain tired.
Tired of circling your mountain? We all have one. Things may be going great for you right now but get ready, there is always a mountain to demolish! If you need prayer for your mountain, please email me so I can pray for you.
4 comments:
Mandi this is what was on my heart as I read your post today. I know you probably even have it memorized, but sometimes I need to be reminded of it. Hugs.
Jeremiah 29:11=-14
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.
"Well since God is a man of His WORD, He has to finish what He started. Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. He will bring us around that mountain over and over again. He will allow us to circle as long as we want. Finally, we get so tired, we gotta stop right there at the mountain and let him pick us up and carry us around it. Then He's finally able to deliver us. Finally, the mountain is gone!"
I needed to hear that and God used YOU to speak it to me. This pit thing SUCKS and I can't WAIT to get out of it.
BTW~ Guess who's freaking pregnant? And guess who's having a nervous breakdown about it? Yep. That would be me.
Thanks for the word today. It spoke.
Man what a word today.. I am reading get out of that pit by Beth Moore and she makes it challening to just GET OUT but it is hard!
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