that's what i needed. time alone. time by myself. time to sit on the couch and eat a bowl of cereal without anyone needing me. i've watched like four episodes of gilmore girls (have all the repeats recorded but i had never seen them) on the couch curled up under a blanket and the only reason i didn't watch another episode (i'm addicted) is i know i will need another night like tonight and watching gilmore girls seems to be just the medicine this mama needs.
today was hard. so hard. yesterday was hard. so hard. i'm so drained i don't even feel like starting my sentences with capital letters so i'm not. what a rebel i have become! my friend janna always sends me emails without capital letters and since she was the valedictorian of almost 700 of us, i figure it's okay. let's not discuss where i was in the 700! i just had to make sure i spelled valedictorian right after typing it in this blog post! i wasn't smart. i sang. the top ten sat on the stage with their honor society sashes and i sat on the stage without one because i sang at graduation. if you were super smart or if you sang the song at graduation, YOU got to sit on the stage! singing is so much cooler than being smart. except my friend janna is smart and she can sing. i guess i am not as cool as i thought!
tonight i had band practice because i am leading worship sunday. it was fun. my friend drew is taking the weekend off so i'm off the bench and playing for the "a" team this weekend. kind of nice to be needed for something besides sweeping the floor. speaking of, i think i sweep at least four times a day. meals, playdo, snacks, meals. okay, maybe like six times a day is more accurate.
the cool thing is, i don't doubt my decision with homeschooling one bit. it's kind of like marriage. even though you get very upset and have bad days as husband and wife, you don't quit. you keep going. you stay married. you work it out. well, i love homeschool. i don't doubt my choice at all. even when all my friends are going to the gym or running errands or drinking coffee at starbucks while their kids are in school (oh my gosh that sounds heavenly), no doubts. this is my life and i love it. days are hard but days are also really amazing. this life as a wife, mom and teacher is really great.
people who do not homeschool offer up things like "you could just try this and if it doesn't work, put him in public school." i realize people struggle to know how to comfort. but the thing is, me having a hard day does not make me think about putting my kids in public school. but there are some things in my approach i've discovered i need to change or lighten up on. one thing i know i am doing is expecting too much for my kindergartner. the holy spirit gently nudged me today and showed me something i was expecting from him that i know no other kindergartner on earth is doing yet. i've got to nurture some other areas. he's great at reading. his math is great. he's great at all of it! i have yet to find something he does not do well. but i think i have gone back to being that mommy of my first baby. seriously people, i was teaching josiah his colors at six months old. i think all first time moms are so eager to do it right, they overcompensate. that was me for sure. and now i find i am doing it again with homeschool. by the time i start school with zeke, i should have my groove down.
people can say some really rude stuff about homeschooling and the thing is, you will never hear me say anything bad about public schools to those moms. i have not figured out why they say those things to me but let's be honest. moms think i make my own peanut butter and don't allow my children to watch tv. and IF you are a homeschooling mom who makes your own peanut butter or does not allow your children to watch tv, i applaud you for your homemaking skills and creative skills. i have no desire to make my own peanut butter because i am brand loyal and love peter pan and i am not creative enough to figure out what my kids can do without ever watching tv. sometimes i need them to watch a movie or an hour of tv. with all of those stereotypes in the back of my mind, i think i have put pressure on myself and my kids. i don't want to be the mom in the group that has kids acting out because then people may say, " well, i know some kids who are homeschooled and they are little devils!". i know, i know. who cares what other moms say! i think it's just a little more difficult when i live in the most liberal area of texas and finding a homeschooler is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
again, no doubts. just a little frustration. i have been talking to god a lot and reminding him that he asked me to do this and i am totally on board but i need friendship with other homeschooling moms. i need community. jeremy thinks i will be the one to start this community but i disagree. i am too new. i'm a rookie. i need encouragement and support! :) this is what i keep telling god. i'm tired of explaining to other moms that i homeschool and they say, "bless your heart. i could never do that." well, yes you could! if god asks you to do something or if he puts a desire in your heart like he did me, you can do it! quit saying that people! :)
i have one homeschooling friend and she is very busy with her four children and they are out of town until october and even though i know she is coming back, i know she does not have the time to give to me like i wish she did. so i think what i figured out tonight is i am lonely and emails or phone calls from friends saying that they are praying for me does mean a lot but i need face time. i need relationship.
but tonight i feel better. i think three to four episodes of gilmore girls could help any mom in need. i was in need. in need of time alone. and i got it. and i feel better. and i love writing in lower case letters. and i love beginning my sentences with the word and.
and since i am still in a weird mood, i will continue to turn the comments off in fear i have offended a homeschooler or non-homeschooler.
yep. it's official. i'm crazy. but this blog post helped me get it all out! i can go to bed now.
