Thank you Jesus

A few weeks ago when I lead worship I shared the following before we did Revelation Song. I will try to quote myself as best I can. :)

"I don't know how many of you went into WalMart the day after Halloween but something magically happened in that store over night. Christmas Trees went up, Holiday sections lined the front of the store and everything Fall and Halloween was 50%-75% off. As fast as they could get the old stuff off the shelf, the new things were put in it's place. And There is something about this season that God uses to remind me of those old things He longs for me to do away with. Put it on clearance, throw it away! It maybe a mindset, a habit, a relationship or some sort of struggle. He wants to replace our old way of thinking with a new way of thinking. But first we have to get rid of what's taking up residence that no longer belongs. God's Word has something awesome to say about this very thing. Isaiah 43: 16-21 in The Message says

This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves,The God who summons horses and chariots and armies— they lie down and then can't get up; they're snuffed out like so many candles: Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands. Wild animals will say 'Thank you!' —the coyotes and the buzzards—Because I provided water in the desert, rivers through the sun-baked earth, Drinking water for the people I chose, the people I made especially for myself, a people custom-made to praise me.

Did you hear that? We were custom made to praise HIM! So this morning I have new song I want to teach you in this new season and as you sing this song, don't think about who can hear you or what you have to do when you get home. Think about Him. Think about the new season, not the old one."

After the service a lady came up to me that I will never, ever forget. She said they had not been to church in a while but that today she was so glad she came because those words I spoke came straight from God. She then said, "I want you to know something. Whenever you sing, whenever you speak, God is all over you. It's like you are standing up there giving HIS message that He needs us to hear and this morning I needed to hear Him and I did."

I share this with all of you not to brag or toot my own horn. For whatever reason God has gifted me to sing and speak and when I am in that moment, I feel free. I don't feel insecure. I don't worry about what people think of me. I don't care about that one person in the church who treats me like I am invisible. I don't care even if I mess up on vocals or anything! I somehow get in that moment and worship Him privately yet lead others corporately. It's kind of amazing when I think about it because I know it is ALL HIM. NOT ME. It's HIM. The process of getting to that place is painful. My Mom told me once that there was a price for our anointing. I never understood that until this year. The price is pain. The price is working through the process. The devil does not want me up there. He wants down for the count! He schemes and plots against me. Daily.

We keep hearing how we need to get OUT of the pit. There is a book about it. It's an incredible book. But I think I could write a book about the sweetness of being in the pit and how the treasures God has for us is inside the pit. It's our journey that makes us strong. It's our journey that brings us closer to Him. We can't have a victory without a battle. And don't we all know that life is full of battles! The battle is inevitable so shouldn't we be asking God how to find joy in the battle? I think so. I feel like God is trying to teach me how to find joy in the battle. How to find joy in the pit! Now that may sound weird but I truly believe that is the WORD he has spoken to me.

It's interesting to think about the words God used me to speak to our church a few weeks ago and how they seem to resonate with me today. I think there is a reason why I come back to these things over and over again. All of us do it. We repeat old habits, we continue to think old thoughts and we relive our history constantly. Right about now I would look and feel pretty strange if I walked outside in shorts, a tank and flip flops. It's cold. The season calls for coat! Unless you are in Texas and it's 3pm because it will be 74 degrees by then but that's beside the point. It's kind of like the white shoes after Labor day. No, no, no. Some things just have to be done away with when the new season comes along. In the scripture above there is something that sticks out to me. "Be alert, Be present! I'm about to do something brand-new!"

But HOW can He do something brand new when we aren't living in the present? I want to live in the present.

Father, help me to get every single thing you are trying to teach me. I want to live for you so badly. I want to be free of the emotional damage that has been done to me as a child. I want to be free!! God use me while I am in the pit, while I am fighting the battle, while I am running the race, use me! I keep trying so hard to get to the finish line instead of enjoying each mile I run. I want to enjoy the RACE, not just the finish!! I pray that you will expose the devil. That you will make me so aware of His lies that I don't even allow those thoughts to take residence in my life for one second. The enemy has stolen from me my entire life and I have gotten so bad at being able to recognize His schemes and attacks against me. God, I cling to you. I run to you and ask YOU to speak to me. Give me revelation Lord. Give me words of hope to share with others. Women are hurting all over this world, some who read this blog. They feel hopeless. They feel like their marriage will never be changed or that they will never be able to carry a child. But YOU have the final word! No one else! You can do anything! You can do the impossible! You can renew, transform, restore, heal, counsel, provide, love. You can do it all! So I ask you to transform ME and as I lay myself before you, broken, may you use my story, my shame, my pain, my history to change lives. Use this stuff!! Thank you Jesus for being my best friend. I love you.