James 3- THE BEST OF YOU

Okay tomorrow I am going to share something with you that I was WRONG about. I'm still trying to gather my words and think through it so I can share what I need to. It's kind of a big deal because I feel like in many ways I steered some of you in the wrong direction. I want to make that right and I need to be held accountable to some things I put out here on this blog. Tomorrow I want to share with you about a season where I was sharing a lot of words and no action.

So here we go ladies! James, chapter 3 has really given me stuff to chew on. This is definitely one of those times in my walk where I truly feel like these words in the Bible are jumping off the page and into my spirit. I'm really, really chewing on this stuff. How about you? Please leave a comment and let me know what's going on! I want to know!! :)

1-2 Don't be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.

After reading this scripture I wanted to remind you that I am not perfect. Ha! No seriously. What I want you to think about is that what I am getting out of James may not be what you are getting out of James. I hear more women quote Beth Moore than they do the Bible and sometimes it drives me nuts. Nothing against Beth Moore (she is amazing) but she is human and not perfect. It's important to trust and respect our teachers but remember they are not perfect and they often get it wrong. What is God teaching you and revealing to you through His word? One man's interpretation of scripture may be totally different than another man's. A few months ago I heard one of my pastors say something that I TOTALLY disagreed with. I remember my Mom was with me that day at our church and I looked at her and said, "Wow. I don't agree with that interpretation of scripture at all." It did not freak me out or cause me to doubt the one teaching but it just showed me how God speaks to all of us differently. There are so many things I could take from this scripture. In fact, I had something totally different typed out and I went downstairs to get something and a thought came to my mind that I was not supposed to go in that direction. :) So when you hear someone doing expository preaching, test it out. Search the scriptures yourself or pray about it. And if you don't agree, that does not mean you leave your church. Teachers are human.

3-5 A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

(Heavy sigh.)

Now this had me on my knees. If there is one area in my life that suffers the most and reveals the crap in my life more than anything, it's my MARRIAGE. Our spouses often get the words or the reaction to things that we normally would not show to anyone else. In a way, it's kind of freeing because you can let it all out on your spouse. My husband is more the passive aggressive. Me? Well, I'm a let it all out type of girl. Put a "passive aggressive person" with a "let it all out" person and I can GUARANTEE there will be fights. Here's an example. Before I went on my run yesterday, Jeremy went upstairs to take a shower. Apparently when he got up there I had left a closet light, an air purifier and a fan all three on.

Well a few weeks ago he had asked me to shut them off. In our marriage I often feel like he is the dad and I am the child and the way he asked just really ticked me off because when I was a teenager I was CONSTANTLY in trouble for stupid stuff like this. My friends were grounded for sneaking out but I was grounded over not making my bed or leaving stuff on. Jeremy OFTEN takes me back to that place in life because he is so orderly much like one of the parents I had and that parent's behavior really hurt me for several years over this kind of stuff. It's not Jeremy's fault I brought that baggage into my marriage but I say everything to him that I wanted to say to the parent. Even now just thinking about it makes me furious (lots to resolve in this girl). After he got on to me about the lights and stuff and after I exploded, I went to him and said "Instead of barking orders at me like I'm your child, you could have come to me as your friend." He agreed, apologized and said he would remember that.

I am here to tell you, he did not remember. When he reached the top of the stairs, it was like he decided to do a random inspection to see what I had left on. Suddenly I hear him yell from the top of the stairs, "Could you please remember to turn off the lights, the fan, the air purifier in the boy's room and the fan in the bathroom?" Since my two year old was playing his guitar I could not hear him and I said, "What did you say?" He had to repeat it twice and by the time I heard him, I was mad because I realized he was so ticked off that he couldn't just turn it off himself and mention it later or NOT mention it, he had to yell from upstairs. So here is what I did NOT do.

"Sure babe. Sorry I forgot. I have got to keep forgetting to turn stuff off."

Can you imagine? I can't because I never do that. If I could get in the habit of stopping and really thinking about the results of my reply, my marriage would change BIG TIME. But here's what I said instead.

"Are you serious? Would you get off my back? I'm not your child!!" And then it all went downhill from there. My response could have diffused his hateful tone and maybe he would have felt bad for talking to me that way but I never give him a chance because I always go off. Right then and there I had a chance to set the course of the ship the smooth way but I decided to take it through the wind and rock it! That's my mouth! Proverbs even talks about a soft reply instead of a harsh one. This is such a hard one for me. I really need change in this area. Desperately.

5-6 It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

Every single one of us has taken part in gossip. I'm trying to approach this carefully because this is an area women do not want to own. Women are great at confessing their sin to one another. We can even confess to a friend that we were jealous of them or lied to them or whatever else. But confessing that you have gossiped, well women don't like to admit that. They love to point it out in other women just not themselves.

Now here is the part I feel like challenging a lot of you on. We gossip and then we say, "I never meant to hurt you. It was not in my heart to hurt you. It was not intentional." Well, I understand that may be the case in some RARE instances. But most of the time us women do not even know what's in our hearts. In the book of Psalms, David asks God to examine his heart and reveal and hidden things that may be there.

What is your motive??

I have come across men in the last few years who deal with gossip more than some women I've known. So this is not just a woman thing! I think the biggest area in the church where this starts is sharing stuff out of "concern" or sharing with someone because you need validation. You need someone on your team! You want to feel things out and see how the other person feels about the subject matter. It's always nice to have someone agree with us.

I recently found out about a conversation that some women had about me. The effects of it were so damaging because I then shared it with my husband and now he is struggling with those people. He took offense for me. I've let it go. He hasn't and now we are working through that. Not fun!

I've ruined relationships with my words. I have shared things with people I thought were trust worthy. I have shared things with people who then changed my words, added to and totally lied. But no excuse. I should not have shared in the first place. We have all caused harm with our words. Something I've learned is to not get your friends involved. Your close friends really don't need to know stuff about your friends. Protect your friends. Don't share info with them they don't need to know. Don't pick up the phone or send an email saying, "I'm concerned about ____." If you are concerned, pick up the phone and call the person! GO TO THE PERSON, not everyone else. That is where it gets messy and stinky.

7-10 This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

One of the things I am constantly working on with my kids is their WORDS. It seems like daily I am explaining to Josiah and Ava Beth (Zeke is still too little) that their words to one another cannot be taken back. When I read this verse I kept thinking back to a time in my life that was very difficult, my engagement. There was a person in our family that did not support our engagement or marriage. They thought we moved too fast, they thought a lot of things and made it known. Now I can't hold this person captive because it was almost 8 years ago but their words have been something that I still have not been able to get over. I felt like it was a curse. They even said they did not think our marriage would last. I have so much pain that I still carry from this person. I constantly have to give to God and allow him to remove the hurt but when I read this verse, I realized how much I have not let go. Then it makes me think about myself and wondering if my words have ever done this to someone. I'm sure they have.

What have you spoken over someone or to someone that has caused great pain? How can we stop and truly THINK before it ever gets to our tongues? Better yet, how can we train our minds to not even THINK those things? I believe that what we think, we often say and without Christ, we can't experience true change. Who have you cursed?

10-12 My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they? You're not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

13-16 Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom—it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throats.

I have known people who find a way to talk about someone in just about every single conversation. And you can guarantee that if they will talk about someone else to you, they will talk about you to someone else. Next time you decide to indulge in some "friendly" gossip or "concern", just remember that the person you are indulging with just may be indulging with someone about YOU tomorrow. They will, no maybe about it.

17-18 Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

I love these last scriptures in chapter 3! I've often struggled with getting along with others. My struggle comes when I feel insecure and I revert back to my past and past hurts. Getting along with others is hard. Now here's my opinion. Get that, opinion. :) If you have not had to work hard at getting along with someone, your friend, your spouse, your family, then there probably is not much foundation there. Working hard at it does not always mean your fighting. I have some friendships in my life (Tiffany) that has not required us to work through arguments. I think we have had one weird moment and it was over pretty quick when it happened five years ago. But we have worked very hard at our relationship. We both give a lot!!!!! We both call and make the effort to be a part of one another's life. We are best friends and sisters. Not blood sisters but sisters because we have worked so hard at being friends and staying connected no matter what!

And then there is a friend I have that we both have worked HARD at being friends. We have been mad at each other, probably more hurt by each other, and loved each other all in the same day. We are very similar in our personalities and in the pain we have experienced in life. As much as we are alike, we are just as much different. Our relationship is pretty amazing because I can honestly say that we have FOUGHT for it and I love her dearly. The past few weeks God has used her in a pretty remarkable way and I just love that God allows me to learn and grow from her. She rocks!

For me, (who is sometimes all over the place in my head) I want a robust community in my life! Yesterday on my 17 mile run (you know I had to mention it after all!), my favorite band came on the iPod. The Foo Fighters have a song I have mentioned before called "Best Of You". I don't think I have ever heard a song that quite puts into words what I struggle with. It truly speaks to my patterns in life. Through my feet hitting the pavement, every single time I run, God has revealed so much to me. Instead of looking at myself like such a screw up, God has showed me how those things I do over and over again is not so bad after all. But those things He wants to change because that pattern of running away and starting somewhere new can be made right. It can be changed and it can be used for something good. This mover and shaker in me has a purpose. The pain in which it came from is going to be sanctified, redeemed, changed, and I will finally be able to stay and settle in peace. It scares me to think about. But the other is just not working for me.

I realize this is a long post but I want to share these lyrics with you because as I ran and listened to this song yesterday, God gave me a new vision for myself. I think it was in between mile 15 and 16, this song became my prayer. Yes, you can worship while listening to FOO FIGHTERS! Isn't God awesome?!