LOVE

Today we are on Holiday and enjoying the break from homeschool. I don't have a lot of time to post all the things I am wanting to because I want to enjoy this day with the kids but I do need to share something.

One thing I am really feeling convicted of is my "opinions". I am seeing more and more blogs of women who are passionate about certain subjects and use their blog to make it known. I am notorious for doing so! You can go back through my blog posts over the last three and a half years and see TONS of posts centered around my many "opinions".

Training for this marathon has increased my time on the road. The time I spend on the road running, really helps me clear my head and I am able to hear God. No, not an audible voice but a sense of knowing without doubt some things that need to be looked at differently or things needing to change. A lot of times it centers around my marriage and the wrong attitudes I have had towards my husband. No matter where my thoughts are when I go out and run, I find myself always, always talking to God and listening. Running has truly created a time for me to LISTEN.

Last week I ran fifty miles. It was hard. Hard on my body and hard on my brain. But I must say that it was probably the most incredible week of running because of the things the Lord showed me about my words and even this blog.

Something I thought about, something I know God showed me was being accountable to the things I post. I've seen a lot of hateful and ugly things on facebook recently. I've seen people updating their status by talking bad about someone they are sick of or mad at. For example, "I really hate people who....". Yes, it's their facebook and they can write what they want but it instantly raises a red flag for those who see it. The same goes for blogs. One thing I know I could easily do is use this blog to air out my feelings of frustration, to talk in code or to make someone else feel bad. This is something I WILL not do. I did this in the past about "church" and I won't do it again. It's not fair to the people you have conflict with. It's not fair to anyone. We as women think we are the "go to" on many subjects. We stand up and say we are against this or against that. At the time we feel justified because in our minds we are "standing on God's Word" or "speaking truth". "Who cares if people get mad! It's my blog and the Bible offended people so I'm sure I will do the same." I have said something just like that and I have for sure thought it. For me to have that attitude is foul. It's ugly.

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is women and how much they struggle with each other. It's like we have lost our "team Spirit". We don't cheer one another on anymore. Instead, we judge, we criticize and we treat each other badly. We need each other so desperately, yet we push one another away.

I acted like a crazy person during the election. Sure, I'm still sad over the results but the way I acted during the election was ridiculous. It pushed people away. Then a few months back I talked about "my" convictions and how I have quit watching most prime time television shows. I still have those convictions but I feel that again my passionate convictions and opinions pushed people away. More importantly, it pushed women away. Last week when I asked for forgiveness from those of you I did push away, many of you comforted me in saying that I did not need to apologize for speaking God's truth, etc. I think some of you have been reading along in my journey for a few years. You have watched and read all the changes in the life of my family and you fear I am swinging back over to this side of church and God that scares most seasoned believers and I thank you for caring enough to share with me how you feel. I get MANY emails and I love it that some of you take the time to write me and figure out what's going on. It truly blesses me to have people concerned.

Am I a little confused? Yes. I grew up Assemblies of God, then Southern Baptist, worked for the Southern Baptist Convention, was a part of a gigantic (seeker sensitive galore) church, met my husband at a Pentecostal church, did worship at a Methodist church for a while, was a children's pastor at an Assemblies of God church, then back to FULL BLOWN speaking in tongues-people falling out all around me Assemblies of God church, then to a church that split, then a church plant, then no church, then back to a church plant.....yes, I am a little confused. BUT, I'm working it out. God and I are working it out together. I pray about it daily.

But one thing I am NOT confused about is the tone of my blog in some instances. There are some posts that I am strongly convicted about. I won't go back and delete them because it was a season in my life I don't want to forget but learn from. Over and over again when I think about this blog and some of the content I have written, I think about this scripture passage.

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love

I have said many times that I LOVE. But many times, I have not really understood what that meant. I don't want my life to push people away. I want to draw people in. I want to LOVE and I pray that God can use this blog for His glory, not my own. For me, it's just not the place to share my "opinions". I need to be more mindful of those reading. I do pray that God will always use me to get people to think about God and I pray He can use me to show others that you don't have to be perfect to have a relationship with Him. He takes us all! Just as we are! If we need to change our lifestyle or our behaviour, HE will be the one to show us. Not a blogger!

Please forgive me for using this blog many times as a way to vent instead of love.