I've got 25 minutes to post something quick. I'm trying not to allow things like facebook and computer time distract me from my obligations at home. I am really trying to apply the discipline I have in running to some other areas.
God has given me a huge passion for marriage. Most likely because my marriage needs a breakthrough in many ways. It's something very hard to talk about. What "Godly" woman wants to admit her marriage needs work? I really feel like this is an area where most women, including myself, are prideful. It's very hard for us to admit that we don't have it all together. The statistics on divorce these days are frightening. The statistics for Christian couples are not any different than those who are not believers. My parents were divorced and my husband's parents were divorced. It's not just the divorce itself that brings so much pain, it's all the things that come with. Being a child of a divorce is excruciating. I can say that even today at almost thirty-three years old, I still suffer the consequences of my parents' choices.
When I married Jeremy, I married him forever. There will be NO divorce. Marriage is hard. Or maybe I should say it is easy being married. It's hard staying married. It takes WORK. I know a lot of people who have okay marriages. I know a few who have great marriages. I know even more who have marriages that could use an overhaul but both parties are afraid to admit it. Many of us become comfortable and as a result some marriages are nothing more than a roommate situation. I don't know about you but that is not the kind of marriage I want.
Jeremy and I are best friends. We truly are. But Best friends fight! Who else could you call your best friend other than your spouse when you constantly work at loving and forgiving? There truly is no other person more suited for me than Jeremy. For that, I am willing to work!
Our relationship has not suffered the blow of an affair, porn addiction, gambling, drug abuse or alcoholism. But the pain we both brought into our marriage is just as damaging and just as intense. For eight years, we have circled the same mountains. Seasons of greatness, followed by seasons of intense challenge. And that is very normal right? Yes. If you have been married for a couple of years or more, you KNOW the challenges. If marriage was easy, there would be no divorce.
I don't struggle to be faithful to my husband. I struggle to respect. I don't struggle with lying to my husband or keeping things from him, I struggle to trust him with my heart. I struggle with nagging him or complaining. I struggle to pursue him passionately sexually. I struggle to GIVE myself to him. I am hateful to him. I am mean to him. I lash out at him. This is my struggle.
I long for my husband to completely and totally have my heart. I truly believe my marriage is going to be used for something amazing because it is the area I struggle in the most. That man loves me so much! He supports me! He works harder than any man I have ever known and he is the most incredible Dad ever. He gives to me constantly. I want to give to him. I want to teach my daughter what it truly means to be a GODLY wife.
We watched Fireproof on Friday night. It was powerful for both of us. I bought the LOVE DARE book a few months ago and never opened it. Today I am opening it and I am going to post my progress on this blog because I feel it will hold me accountable. Feel free to join me!
Jeremy does not read my blog unless I ask him to. I'm hoping he doesn't decide to read it for the next month because I really don't want to make a big deal about this book to him. I'm not going to ask him to join me in this challenge. I will stand before God someday ALONE. I'm responsible for ME. I know that as I learn to truly love my husband, I then will be loved.
The Love Dare Book
Day 1
I will choose to say nothing negative to Jeremy today. Nothing. If the temptation comes, I will not choose anger to be my emotional default. That is HUGE for me! But I am praying with God"s strength, I can have victory!
