Clean

Since the marathon I have not been on any sort of "long run". I consider a long run to be at least 10 miles and I think that is pretty normal after training for a marathon. For me something happens 10 miles and up. It's when I really unplug from the world and listen in to what God may want to say. Yesterday I needed a 10 miler.

My mind was full of stuff to think about so I asked the Lord to just clean it out! I had just told one of my closest friends that I was feeling a bit battered and beaten up from the last month. Just as I told my friend, I also told God as I ran. That's when I was reminded of how awesome it is to be able to talk to God like a friend because for me, He is the closest friend. There was a question in my mind that I kept asking over and over again. Sometimes I just want to understand "why".

Finally at mile 9, I heard these words. "You give the benefit of the doubt to everyone around you. You forgive easily. You let go of things that have hurt you. You show grace and you have learned to truly love people. Now do the same with yourself. Let go of the things that you carry around daily. Free yourself up and enjoy who you are."

There are three great things about this little conversation that I know came straight from the Lord. One, I did not always show grace to people. In the past if you were someone who hurt me then I was going to come back with the most fiery darts you've ever seen. Sad to admit but that is how I used to respond to hurt. Second of all, I've struggled to love people a lot in my life. I've taken offense to many things and taken it very personal. Now I truly feel like I can love despite the way I may be treated. I have to give people the benefit of the doubt because we all do silly things sometimes and we all seem to respond to one another based on our own pain. But this was not something I could always do and in the last two years I have truly changed in that manner. I'm not perfect but I've truly grown in this area and continue to grow. Last but not least, it's awesome for the Holy Spirit to reveal to me how hard I am on myself and how I need to let go and enjoy who HE created me to be. Why is that so hard for us sometimes?

Sometimes it take 10 miles to get a new perspective. I truly believe with all of my heart that since I've become a long distance runner that I have changed not just physically but relationally. I'm learning to not just let others off the hook but allow myself the same.

After my run yesterday afternoon I felt different. I left feeling frustrated and bothered but I came home CLEAN.

Thank you Lord for changing my life. You constantly make me CLEAN.