Beauty for ashes

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3

Unable to sleep?  Yep, that's me!  So I am up researching baby stuff that I really want need. I feel like a new Mom all over again.  Why? Because I am in many ways a "New Mom".  I am so thankful for the work the Lord has done in my life and I never in all my life saw it coming. For those that know me, they KNOW there has been a big transformation that can't be described.  It's miraculous!  I can be honest and tell you that the term "baby wearing" used to really wig me out.  Having the baby sleep in your bed so you can nurse through the night freaked me out even MORE.  Feed on demand?  Oh don't even get me started because that sent me into a tizzy!  I've been a schedule making, feed-wake-sleep promoting, get that baby sleeping through the night directing,  independent- rush through the infant stage Mama since my first child was born. But there are many women God has used to inspire me and ladies because of your investment in my life, I am a CHANGED woman.  I give ALL the glory to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I wish I could go back and enjoy my other three and sacrifice who I was to serve their every need.  I can't go back but I can go forward.  The cool thing is, the change began as soon as Jude was conceived.  He is a life changing boy already.

When this baby is born, I will be close to thirty five years old.  I have noticed that many large families have a gap of four or more years between two sets of kids.  You have the first set that comes after being married a couple of years.  That set seems to be the one that the Lord uses to work out all your little kinks.  Then it seems some women think they are done having children (a-hem! me!) then several years later, something happens and they have another set and some keep going.  I can tell you that it would be a lot easier if the Lord laid it on all of our hearts to have all these babies in our 20's when the body seems to handle it with much more grace.  But many of us in our 20's have no clue how much we will change over the next ten years.  I am glad I didn't know.  It's a painful process.  Good grief!  When I think about who I was at twenty-six when Josiah was born, I burst out laughing.  Thank God for personality change driven by the Holy Spirit and thank God He isn't done with me yet cause boy do I have a long ways to go!

So yeah, I feel kind of like a re-born Mom.  I feel like I am starting over and all the things that once scared me because I was so worried about being skinny again, going out for girl's nights and getting back on stage to sing and do ministry is sooooooooooooooooo not who I am anymore.  THANK YOU JESUS!  That girl back then was looking for all kinds of fulfillment outside of the home and it ALWAYS left me unsatisfied.  Thankfully I've been set free! All of those things that used to scare an independent girl like me NOW seem like a gift and I can't WAIT to experience being the mother of a newborn all over again.  I have known so many Moms who are unsatisfied and constantly unsure of who they are as women.  I promise you that if you feel that way, if you throw every ounce of your passion into that man and those babies, EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE FOR YOU.

Thank you Lord for renewing a broken girl.  You have taken my ashes and given me beauty. I love you Father.

-Amanda

(P.S.  Tomorrow I am going to post some baby stuff I LOVE and will have! :)  And my blog background and layout will probably change AGAIN because I am still playing with it. )