Wednesday, October 20, 2010

oh my aching back!

It's funny when someone talks to you about natural childbirth or what they feel it will be like. As women we all feel we have earned the right to speak on this subject. Whether or not we've had epidurals, c-sections, home births, hospital births or in the back of car birth (don't know any of those), we feel we know a thing or two. Some of us (myself included) have experienced the evilness of pitocin while waiting on the epidural. This is NOT natural childbirth. In fact, if you are experiencing PITOCIN without an epidural, you are beyond natural. You are in hell sister! Natural would be easier.  

I hear so many things that make me laugh!

"I was dilated to a three, 99.9% effaced and at a 0 station for three weeks." Great to hear when you are dilated to a two, 50% effaced and at a -20 station at 42 weeks. Right? 

Then there are the well-meaning comments. Your friend wants to prepare you for the PAIN of natural childbirth. It still confuses me why we want to share this with those like myself awaiting natural childbirth. Can you imagine telling someone they better figure out their "special place" soon because they will need it when they are in AGONY?! This happened to me last week and today. The intentions are good but we just keep talking and talking until we have discouraged. 

I learned in my debate class back in High School that there are three things you never mention at supper. Sex, religion and politics. But I would like to add a new rule for pregnant women. Never mention, unless you want an opinion, the following three things.  Natural vs epidural, breastfeeding and feed on demand vs parent directed feeding. WOW! Just don't do it! Stay away from those three things! In fact, talk about sex, religion and politics. Much easier!

For the record, I have been dilated since I was 33 weeks pregnant and baby's head has been down since way before then (they can turn back if they have room). I am now 37 weeks tomorrow and there have been changes. Thank God! Glad to know I am progressing. Tomorrow I will go and who the heck knows what he will say. Maybe he will say "I'm sorry but the baby has moved up near your throat and you are no longer dilated. See you in a month." Okay I have heard of the baby moving back to a negative station but I have not heard of dilation going backwards. Although, I am sure there is a woman out there that would like to tell me different! For some reason we like telling the Mom who is dilated "That means nothing. You can stay like that for a month."  Thankfully since this is my 4th child, I already KNOW that. I am discouraged on my own and I don't need anyone else discouraging me more.

And you know what? No one is discouraging me at the moment. My friends have been awesome! Especially those who have gone that natural route. They constantly tell me how INCREDIBLE it will be! I just think we should listen more when a pregnant woman is sharing how she feels because we all know how hormonal it can get. I thought back to how I was when a friend of mine was feeling pretty pathetic not too long ago during her pregnancy. I think I could have been way more sensitive. I could have used more caring words. But daily I did pray and encourage her. DAILY. And right now I feel like I need that DAILY treatment. Thank you NAOMI! :) Poor Jeremy walked in the house today to me SOBBING about how bad my back was hurting. And I do mean SOBBING!

The truth is, we are ALL moms. Whether or not we go 40 weeks and our baby weighs ten pounds or we have a c-section at 37 weeks and the baby weighs six! We don't need to prepare one another for pain. We need to prepare one another for JOY! And breastfeed or not, co-sleep pr not, WHO CARES!!!!!!!! Seriously! Women make this such a STUPID issue. 

I am going into this NATURAL process with a "Supernatural plan". But for whatever reason, if I confess my plan to some, the gasps quickly follow. Why do we feel pain has to happen so often? We choose pain. We expect it. We tell others to look for it because life is hard and childbirth is going to KILL! "Get ready sister because you will want that epidural!". Thank you for that! I am excited now! Can't wait to feel the RING OF FIRE in my vagina! 

I truly believe this just a woman's way of connecting. We all do this. But sometimes I think we allow other's experience to become our truth and we confess it over our own lives. I DO NOT wish to do this.

My body hurts BAD right now. I would love for this Jude bug to come TONIGHT. This pregnancy has been the hardest. I do believe it has a lot to do with my age and the fact that I have three others and I HOMESCHOOL when I would rather sit on the couch and moan. It's a huge blessing to be carrying this baby boy and I do not take it for granted for one second. But I am a human being and I'm physically hurting. So before I go take my 3rd bath of the day (scared to get the water bill) I wanted to share some scriptures with you that I am leaning on. Naomi has also made me a list and a prayer that I will have in the L and D room. I have had really bad contractions all week long. It's not going to be pretty from here on out. Prayers are greatly appreciated! 

Thanks for allowing me to keep it REAL as always! And thank you for making your guesses on the birth day, except for you Nonny! You have me five days past my due date! That made me cry! :) Just kidding. Well, kind of. :) You are still my favorite NONNY! 

And thank you from the bottom of my heart to my friends and family who have allowed me to be vulnerable, honest and GRUMPY. I feel you carrying the load with me! 

Psalm 46:1-2“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear…”

Lord, You are the only ever-present one.  Thank you for being with us during labor and delivery.  I will not fear.

Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”
Lord, You are my supernatural, perfect peace.  I know your peace and will know it during labor and delivery of this child.  My focus is on You and your goodness.
Isaiah 40:30-31
“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”
Lord, You will renew my strength during delivery.  My strength will not wear out because it is from You and my hope is in You.
Isaiah 43:2

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…”
Lord, thank you for not leaving us alone.  Thank you for being with our baby as it passes through the waters in my womb.