Friday, February 25, 2011

passion

Let's be honest. I've lost my blogging juice. I update twitter and Facebook simultaneously and talk to so many of you that I forget to blog. On March 1st, I hope to change that because I have something up my blogging sleeve!

Jude will be four months old next week and he is beyond perfect! The breast feeding is still going great. I am extremely proud of myself for sticking through those first few weeks. Breast feeding was so painful in those first two weeks and I felt so discouraged when some were telling me that it should not hurt. It hurt! But after two weeks, something magical happened and it went from painful to manageable. Then it went from manageable to enjoyable. Now it has gone from enjoyable to my favorite time with Jude. It forces me to sit and enjoy just spending time with him. It also forces me to take a break from whatever I'm doing and relax. I have even conquered my fear of nursing in public. I use the nursing cover and we do great!! Since I bottle fed the other three, I had no idea how easy it was to just leave the house. I don't have to pack bottles, we just leave! Love! And it is one less thing I have to worry about when I am trying to get four kids out the door!

Oh and I moved Jude from our bed to the pack n play next to my bed. I did it a few weeks ago and he has done great!! The co-sleeping was nice when he was still nursing a few times in the night but now he only wakes up once. I do fall asleep while nursing sometimes and we wake up together. That I do not mind because waking up to that chubby smile is heaven!

We are plugging away in Homeschool and will enjoy a Spring Break in March and a little vacation in April. People ask me how I am able to Homeschool with a new baby and I love to answer this question! Easy! Jude is the easiest part of my day. I have had difficult babies. Josiah was colic and screamed 24/7. Ava Beth was fussy too. Ezekiel was a good baby but liked to be held a lot. Even though I am nursing Jude, I have still managed to get Jude on schedule. Right now as I type, he sleeps and the older two are doing school next to me and Ezekiel is on the computer in my room. He then takes a nice three hour nap in the afternoon and of course several cat naps throughout the day. Jude fits into our Homeschool days perfectly. I knew he would!

Josiah is loving Cub Scouts and has already earned a few badges. Little did I know, Cub Scouts is like a sport. Very time consuming! We could attend something literally every weekend. There is always an event or something going on that allows scouts to earn badges. This weekend we have a Blue and Gold Banquet. Everyone dresses in western attire. Today we are headed to Cavender's to buy Josiah boots and a cowboy hat! He is very excited! Josiah is my smart, analytical man! I love that about him! And he is loving Scouts and his new friends!

Ava Beth is getting ready for her recital in May. She has a ballet number and a tap. She is really excited abut her two dances. She loves dance and loves her friends and I really enjoy getting to go on Wednesdays and visit with the other Moms. It is a nice social event for my week! She is reading well and almost done with all of her curriculum for the year so I am trying to slow her down a bit. She has always been my eager child! I love that about her! And she changes Jude's poopy diapers too! She is OBSESSED with her little brother and is still praying for that sister!

Ezekiel? Where do I begin? He is my busy little boy changing in and out of costumes everyday. Today he is Batman, tomorrow he may switch to Bibleman or Spiderman. Sunday he will probably be Batman again. I took him on a date last Saturday afternoon. It was just the two of us and much needed! He wanted frozen yogurt and then I surprised him with a five dollar bill and a trip to Dollar Tree. While we were driving to the yogurt shop, he asked "Mommy, can we just talk?" And talk we did! Before I knew it, we were engaged in conversation over who was stronger! Batman or Spiderman? "Oh Mommy, Batman will always be the strongest!" I love that boy! And he is the funniest of the bunch so far!

Jeremy got us a membership to the gym. He goes faithfully. I do not. I asked him last Night to please take me off the membership because I do not go enough to be spending money for me to go. Running? No! Honestly, no desire AT ALL. I am sure I will run again and focus on getting back in shape in time. But right now I don't feel that should be my focus. I want to enjoy this time, this season and all the joy that comes with it. The 26.2 sticker on the back of my suburban is something I am proud of but it no longer defines me. In the past I was not okay "just being a mom". Now, being a Mom is the thing I am most proud of. I heard a celebrity interviewed not too long ago and she spoke a few words that made me very sad for her mindset. "There is such a danger in women losing themselves when they become Moms." Well, I found myself when I became a Mom! It is the greatest calling on my life and I am passionate about it. This is my career and I know who I am now. The year I spent running two marathons was a year I did not know who I was.

There is nothing wrong with moms running marathons but where my heart was during that season was not where it needed to be. It ruled my life. My thoughts, my passion, my time, my energy, even my money was being poured into running. I told one of my best friends this week that I struggle now to understand who I was back then. I look at the pictures and see an insanely skinny girl who was obsessed with running and staying a size two. Now as I fit tightly into my size nine jeans, I can honestly say that I am filled with more joy in my life than ever before. Why? Well, I finally tapped into the dream come true that God gave me. My family is my passion. I am obsessed over being all I can be as a wife and mother. That girl who is so driven in everything she does is now driven in her home! That is how it should have ALWAYS been. I have learned that if I want to be a whole hearted mother, I can't allow myself to be divided. I was divided and I don't ever want to be again.

It has been a challenging week in parenting. As I learn to parent each child differently according to their needs, I often feel weary. But, God has given me so many opportunities this week to sit down with them and apply scripture to the situation. Josiah and Ava Beth both have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and daily I try to affirm that. I am responsible for not only renewing my mind but also renewing their minds (Something I learned from Sally Clarkson). Ezekiel is getting closer but has such a little boy heart. I am beginning to see a spark and I feel the time is close for him to grasp the true love of Jesus and what He did for us on the cross. My children's walk with God is the most important thing to me so I am constantly being reminded they are watching and listening. What am I showing them I believe about God? This is something I think about daily.

A long blog post, I know. But, I haven't shared my heart in a while and it felt good to! Thanks for listening! :) Friday is here and I am off to give a spelling test to a very sweet second grader!

Happy weekend!

(p.s. I am camping out in Romans 8 over the next few days if you would like to join me!)

6 comments:

Love Being A Nonny said...

Love this update!!!

Kelly said...

OK, you know I think you are amazing, and I just love your passion for your family and their hearts. Prayed for you guys today every time you cross my mind. Thinking of you:-)

Sweet, sweet update. (And I just have to comment on the breastfeeding... it is SO hard when everyone tells you how natural it is and painless, when you feel as though you have glass being suctioned through your body. So glad you were able to get through it and enjoy the blessings... I had a similar experience with Cailin and ohmygoodness I thought I would die! Pure stubborness got me through, and then, voila, the amazing joy of nursing became one of my treasured mommy memories. Even the pain. Even the scars that remain 13 years later. Testimony to doing what I really believed God made me to do... so rare to have an opportunity to suffer for our love, and when we do - wow- the blessing He pours out!! Anyway, just had to commiserate. )

Wendy said...

I love your heart for your family, and especially your heart for the Lord.

I miss those days of nursing a baby, and waking up to see a chubby baby next to me. :)

You are so right about running! I'm excited about running another marathon this year after taking a year off, but I totally know what you mean about how it can become the focus. Running is something I enjoy, but not the priority. I'm thankful for how the Lord has taught both of us so much about that over the years.

I remember Josiah went through that dressing up phase too. How fun!!
Love you!

Amanda- Texas Girl born and raised! said...

Kelly, I adore you! It means so much to me that you are my VA prayer warrior! You have one in TX too! I love how HE has knitted our hearts together!

Wendy, I have such a comfort and peace in our friendship that I knew you would know what I mean about marathon running. You are the marathon queen and I love that you knew my heart instantly! After all, we did run one together! And I'm planning on finally calling you back when I get in the car.I love you!!!

And I love u Nonny!!!!!!

karlee said...

Glad to hear everyone's doing so well. Someday I look forward to having a beautiful family of my own and pouring my heart into them!

Kate said...

awww, i loved reading this! you have come such a long way! i know what you mean about running. for me, it is an excellent outlet, but it does not rule me. i don't find myself getting uptight about missing a run. what a freeing feeling!

my man, kids and homeschooling are the focus - they are the future and i only get 18 or so years to mold them as God unfolds them - which by the way- goes way way way too fast. :(

wonderful update! as always, i hope we meet face to face one day. :) xo