Since living in Austin, some friends and family would say that I have changed and some have said I am compromising just to get on board with someone elses movement. For the past few days I've been thinking and praying about that a lot. Honestly, I think that it is so far from the truth that it kind of ticks me off. They are right about one thing, I have changed.
We all go through different seasons in life. This has been a season where I have intentionally made some changes in my life, especially with my mindset. Many of you have read this blog during the two years where I was not in church. It's pretty obvious that God was preparing me for something. I wrote a lot about the church and how I did not know if I could ever be a part of it again, etc. Then I got through that and wrote about the kind of church I would like to go to but did not know if it existed. I wrote about my disgust for certain kinds of Christians and through this world of blogging I have come in contact with some of the most legalistic, fundamentalist Christians I have ever encountered! I have come in contact with Christians that in my opinion don't get it. They don't understand the concept of serving and the only thing they know how to do is consume. In fact, many Christians are living Sunday to Sunday or Bible Study to Bible Study. Their soapboxes are homosexuality, homeshcool vs. public, republican vs. democrat and whether or not watching TV is bad. I've been this type of Christian. I once believed that ANYONE who wasn't a republican was not saved. And what about the Christians that are totally against protecting our environment because the world is going to pot anyway?! To me that is insane. I believe that we should be good stewards of our planet and do what we can to protect it for our children and our grandchildren. And what about homosexuality? Do I believe you are born with it? No. But that does not mean I don't have friends that do believe that. Do I believe there will be homosexuals in heaven, absolutely. I could expand on this before you all have a conniption fit but why bother? Too many Christians debate things that are just not heaven or hell issues and this is why people DO NOT and WILL NOT go to your pretty, creative, running 1,000 in members church!
But here's the deal, I have felt this way for several years now. It's not because I've read Donald Miller's Book or Rob Bell's Book or even Erwin McManus (all of these guys have been accused of being POMO). If you READ their books, actually READ them, you wouldn't think they are so different or scary. They are not living in the grey, I assure you. There are some things that all of them have said that I don't agree with but that does not mean I think they are false teachers. So for my friends and family that think I have forsaken my BIBLE BELIEVING beliefs because I don't share all of my guts on this blog anymore or don't always mention scripture, it has nothing to do with Resonate Community. It's nice to have a pastor I can call and say, "Hey, what did you mean by that? I don't know if I understand or agree?" He knew when we moved here that I would be someone to always ask questions and he knew I would struggle at times and he knew I would want explanations. He knew that I would not nod and say yes all the time, he knew I would be the one to always ask "Why?".
Since we have been in Austin, we have been given a CAR, we have been given money, we have been given meals. We did not ask for any of the things we were given, God laid it on someone's heart and he provided. What about that does not have the hand print of Jesus all over it? I can think of many things I have done since I have been here to serve others and I can think of countless other things besides the ones I have just mentioned where I have been served. Kyle, our Pastor, does not say things like "Maybe you should read your Bible and you will feel better." He does not say, "Have you had your quiet time today, Amanda?" Instead he says, "Who are you serving? What are you doing to take the focus off of yourself? Who are you reaching out to?"
He really has been teaching me how to not be a CONSUMER. Most Christians look at church as, "What can this church do for me?" But we should be saying, "What can I do for this church?"
I've been thinking about someone from my past that always talked about Jesus. She would tell people she was not going to have sex until she got married. She would take her Bible to work with her. She would rebuke this and rebuke that. She threw away cd's that were not Christian and would never watch a rated R movie. Thinking about her now annoys the crap out of me because while she talked about Jesus all the time, she was not doing anything to serve other people. Oh sure, she was bold in her faith but it was all words. She was at church every time the church doors were open, she led bible studies, she sang, she prayed over people, she did a lot. But, she was a consumer. It was all about her. She was climbing the "church ladder" much like the corporate one. But looking back, there was nothing she was doing to selflessly serve. She hung out with her Christian friends and that's it.
Well, that was me. I was that Christian girl. The things I believed were good but I was a lot of talk and no action. So I thought about this again today. Sure, it's great for me to be honest and share with you life's struggles. But, I am in a phase where I am being challenged to change. I've struggled with some things in my life for way too long and I'm ready to experience true victory and I think that the key is to take the focus off myself and put it on other people. It's easy to say. I hear people in my life say this kind of stuff all the time but I don't always see it being carried out. I'm trying to really carry this out. My life will not be very effective if I am constantly talking about my struggles and it may piss some blog writers off, but I read a lot of down and out blogs. I'm not sure why I read those blogs but it interests me to see how others are living and how they are portraying the Christian life. (And don't think I am talking about you because it's NO ONE that has ever commented on my blog) Sometimes us Christians don't make the Christian life all that appealing.
This morning I was talking to my friend Lori and were discussing BIG BROTHER (reality show). I am not sure why exactly but I love this show, always have enjoyed watching it. Well, this season there is a Christian in the house. ALWAYS a Christian on a reality show. It is the most intentional casting ever! Producers LOVE to find Christians! It is their dream cast member. You see, they don't choose a quiet Christian, they choose the one that talks about God and Jesus constantly. Well, I don't think I have ever been this fired up over a cast member on a reality show. But this girl really fires me up in a bad way! The show constantly shows her praying, constantly. She does it out loud and the show adds organ music behind it to make fun of her. Then there is a character named Evil Dick, and I like him. I like him because to me he gives her a run for her money. He comes at her with all kinds of mean stuff and instead of turning the other cheek, she gets sucked right in and calls him names, makes fun of him. She says horrible things about his daughter (who is also in the house). Now I am not in her situation but she has lost control and her prayers are just annoying. So much of what she says and does is so far from being a Christ follower but she hides behind it and she looks like the weak one. Evil Dick, one of the house guests has even said, "All of you Christians are just alike. You got words but no action." Hmmmmm. Wouldn't Jesus be doing everything he could to reach out to Dick? Do you think he would say, "Dick, your cussing offends me?" Do you think Jesus would pick apart his sin and call him names? I think not. I was relieved to know that my friend knew exactly why this "Christian" was bothering me with the way she portrayed Christians. Glad to know I'm not the only one sickened!
John Maxwell says "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." And I am trying to CARE about people!! So here's the deal. My friends and some family, may feel distance between us. It's kind of tough but I am understanding why and it has a lot to do with mindset. I'm not saying yours is wrong but I am saying mine is now different and it has changed drastically. Call it brainwashing all you want but in my heart, I know that my pursuit of Jesus is as hot and heavy as it always has been. I have not turned post modern and I have not compromised. In fact, I'm living pretty free and it feels good.
Tonight I am going to Bible Study and a new friend of mine will be there that does not know if he is on board with this whole "Christian" thing. He is pretty bold as to what he thinks about us and he has no time for churchy stuff or legalism. And you know what? He is one of my favorite people in the group. He brings more life to our group than just about anyone and I know that if I called him right now and asked him for something, he would be here in a heartbeat. If only more Christians could be like him.
Now you wanted my guts, so there it was!
13 comments:
Love this post!
Love your guts!
I just heard about this book called "Love Jesus Hate Church." There is even a website: http://www.lovejesushatechurch.com/
Interesting stuff. I haven't read the book yet.
Great Post Mandi......I would say it isn't guts.....it's your heart and all is well in your soul. Love you
Ok, I must add that the title of that book sounds harsh, but if you check out his website, it makes more sense.
Hey - I love this blog! I so wish at times I was there or you were still here so we could really have coffee. you know I am so on board with so much of what you have said here!
Love you girl!
Nancy
I know what you mean Wendy. Thank you for clearing that up because I am not against church. I'm planting a church. But you are someone that I know understands what I am saying.
I loved this post! Thanks for being volnerable and sharing your guts!
Love, Liz
Yeah, his book isn't about hating church, but more about the way (some)people think about church. And, how church should be. Similar to what you said, it isn't just about Sundays.
WOW....great post. I actually get so much of what you're saying.
I also visited the website Wendy shared and I understood exactly what it meant.
Thanks again for sharing your heart.
The bottom line is that if we are true Christians- those people who have asked Jesus into our heart and allow Him to lead our actions- then we will be doing these things. Too many label themselves as Christians, but if there is no outward change it is a name only.
Jesus is our source for all, and we need to fill ourselves with HIm before we have anything to offer others... He flows into us and out through our love of others. I think you are very accurate that we need to stop preaching and start acting; as long as we are willing to give Jesus the credit for our actions- it is because of Him that we love others.
Thank you Kelly. That's good insight. I kind of disagree a tiny bit. I do believe that when I was saved, i was saved but I did not love others or serve others like I should have been doing. This is rough for some but I do believe that there are MANY Christians out there that are saved and going to heaven but DON'T do this. So it's my opinion that just because someone is saved (which only God truly knows), it does not mean they will be doing all of those things.
I'm afraid that some are going to think I am anti church and I am not or we would not be planting one. But I do believe that the majority of churches have taught us how to be consumers and they do not equip us to serve outside of church.
When I first started going through this, I felt the need to defend Christians. At times I still do because there are plenty of people serving people that DON'T get it either.
There is a balance and I am searching for it.
So many parts of your story hit me and much of your struggle has been right where I am in my life right now. But I have to comment on Jameka.
I feel sorry for her. They show her praying by herself. She is not doing it to be flashy to the others. Or if she is I missed that episode. When ED was yelling at her the other day and she sat at the table just boiling, I felt so dumb but I kept praying for her. Please Jameka stay strong, Please Jameka dont let him get to you. But she caved. I kept thinking how mortified she will be when she sees it after the show. How ashamed and bad she will feel. But she is a sinner just like the rest of us. She makes mistakes and the devil is allowing Dick to play on her weakest parts. It was extremely dissapointing to me that she served CBS and their purpose of making Christians look like hypocrites. But really all I can think is how we need to pray for her every single day. Because she has her faith on TV for us all to judge. I dont know if I would be willing to do that.
I agree Rebecca but she brought so much of it on herself. We are all human, Christians included but you better be able to walk that talk if you are going to go on a REALITY SHOW and proclaim Jesus. I am pretty sure she has endured some major spiritual warfare in that house but she does not get it. She's clueless. You can't go around calling people names and saying horrible things about their family when you are talking about Jesus at the same time. You just can't! Go on YOUTUBE and see some of the after dark shows they post on there from Showtime and you will hear her say all kinds of horrible stuff. I mean HORRIBLE. And if you look on the message boards for that show, you will see that people like Dick more because he's not pretending to be something he is not.
I'm with you though. I agree with everything you have said I sure as heck don't condone Dick but I understand what he is doing and she has played into it perfectly. That makes me sad.
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