unloading

Today is one of those days that I feel very overwhelmed. I have not felt this way in several months. This week's calender is totally full. Every single day, every single night, something is going on. Well, except for tonight. Tonight is open but the day is not.

Something about a full calender makes me feel like I'm being controlled. And my husband does not handle weeks like this well either. Last week was a week he absolutely loved because I was home every night, except for the night we went to Bible Study and we did that together. I was also sick last week and I seem to still be struggling to get over this head cold. Since I was sick, I did not run. Yesterday I started having that chest pain brought on by anxiety. When I started running three months ago, the chest pain went away. Actually, not only did the sporadic chest pain go away but so did my fear and worry of so many things that once consumed me. I didn't seem to be googling things and diagnosing myself with cancer like I constantly did before. In fact, I did not even think about those things. For the first time in my life, I felt free of so many things. So now I am a true believer in what exercise can do for your mind and spirit. The Lord brought so much healing to my life through running. This afternoon, I am running. I may only run two miles but I am running.

Right now I feel like I am suffocating a little. There will be some things I have to cut out this week but I am not sure what. Maybe I don't cut anything out. I'm praying that God will help me push through this horrible panic I feel. (And no, it's NOT that time of the month and no where even close.) Over the weekend Jeremy noticed that one of my birth marks had tiny black specks in it. It does not hurt, it has not gotten bigger but it is asymmetrical and bigger than a pencil eraser and I am scared. Most of the night last night was me laying in bed praying that God would help me to not WORRY so much about it. First thing this morning I called and got an appointment with a dermatologist but the soonest they can see me is October 15th, the only other appointment would be December 1st. :) I took October! A friend suggested that I see if I can get in with a nearby family doctor and I did. At 1pm I am going to a my appointment and then at 1:30, Ezekiel has his well check at the same place. Thankfully there is a family doctor and a pediatrician all that the same place.

I could really use your prayers today. Prayers for my mind, my body and my spirit. I feel down and I don't like feeling this way. As I said before, it's suffocating. Fear is the most suffocating force ever and today I need to fight it.