Wednesday, December 19, 2007

watch and pray

For the past two weeks I have been burdened and unable to explain or understand why. I don't know if it will really make sense to those reading but I have felt sick, my spirit has been sick. I've been thinking that it had to do with us leaving our church plant and the difficulties associated with that. I thought maybe it's the fear of starting over and being a part of a new church. Maybe it's stepping into leadership again and fearing the unknown. Maybe it's all of it.

There have been two Sundays in the last three months when I have been standing on stage and felt physically sick. One of those weekends, I actually went home after the first service and did not sing in the second one. This past Sunday it happened again and I felt like I was burdened by something but I could not describe what. It was a day where I could not connect. I did not want to talk to anyone, be around anyone or even smile. Jeremy and I had a an issue we were working through in our finances so I figured that the heaviness I was feeling HAD to be that. But later I felt like the Holy Spirit was trying to show me that finances was not the thing making my heart feel so heavy. This morning I woke up and felt that feeling all over again. Inside my head, I shouted "GOD, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOW ME? WHY IS MY SKIN CRAWLING? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT? WHAT IS IT?"

There have been times in my life when I have felt something and saw something with spiritual eyes and it not make sense. Then a month later I realize I needed to be praying about what I was feeling and seeing. Well, it's happening again and I am really struggling with it because I feel a heaviness. It's nights of not sleeping, early morning wake up calls from the Holy Spirit to pray and a sick feeling in my gut. I am not fearful, I just know I need to watch and pray. And now I KNOW why the Holy Spirit prompted me to read Nehemiah. For Nehemiah defeated the enemy by watching and praying.

Why don't I get this by now? When this comes on me, this heaviness, why don't I KNOW instantly what God is needing me to do? PRAY! I go through this whole list of reasons why I am in a funk and finally I figure out that the enemy is on the prowl and God is prompting me to pray and fight. This is not a funk. Instead, I feel that God is allowing me to take on something and feel something so I will know how to pray.

Watch and pray. That's what God is calling me to do. Watch and pray. This is how the enemy is defeated!

7 comments:

Kelly said...

It is no coincidence that God led me to your words this morning, after awakening me at 5:00 to spend time in His word. I have felt this same heaviness the past month, and for me it has been a burden of fear, which I KNOW is not from God, and I am standing against it. I will pray for you to hear what God has for you, as I am praying the same for me.
Thank you for these wise, wise words, to be watching and praying- thye truly ministered to me.

Jules said...

Thank you for this.

Julie

Karen said...

Prayer is so powerful. That statement is probably the most "understatement" there is. We say it so often we become nonchalant about its meaning. Prayer is what He wants from us. He showed us the perfect example of "watching and waiting" just before His death. His death was to save us from our sin and heal all our infirmities. Right before He went to Hell for me -- He went into a Garden, alone. In the garden, alone, He watched and prayed for ME.

Good Word from the Lord. There is great honor in being the Watchman on the Wall.

luv u and I needed this today.
mom

Sonya Terrell said...

I can remember a time about a year ago that I went through the same thing. I remember telling a friend that I felt like something was wrong or that something was going to happen but I just didn't know what it was. I remember that sick feeling vividly. I, as you are, just prayed through it. I prayed every kind of prayer I could think of..protection, blessings, forgiveness, ect. To this day I don't know what it was about but have some hope that my prayers helped combat whatever it was.

I woke up this morning with an anxious spirit and don't know what it's about, so I am just praying through it.

Keep on praying girl....it will be heard!

Erin said...

The cool thing about being attacked is that you are in God's will or else Satan wouldn't want to attack you!

Amy... said...

Hmmm...interesting you wrote about this. Been feeling similar and haven't been able to figure out how to react or what to do. Thank you for this. Love, Amy

Liz Ferguson said...

I know exactly what you mean. I have been there many times.

I am learning more and more just how important prayer is. Watch and pray...you are right, that is what God wants us to do.

Thanks for sharing.