The Minute Clinic and the BOGO Virus

What started out as a full week has now become a "stay at home week". My house was struck with the stomach virus again and I ended up getting it AGAIN, minus the throwing up part. But then I got aches, chills, and fever. My friend Jaime took me to the doctor, we thought it was a doctor, so Jeremy could stay home with the sick kids. Heidi told me about the CVS Minute Clinic and now I know why it is called MINUTE Clinic because I think they had about a minute of medical school and got their first job. It's kind of like Pro Cuts for brand new doctors. Don't go to Pro Cuts and don't go to Minute Clinic. You are sure to have bad hair and a diagnosis you have never heard of! My story will explain why. Our first warning should have been when Jaime's sister said, "WHO ARE YOU TAKING TO THE MINUTE CLINIC? IS IT A CHILD? THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE! DON'T GO THERE!"

We were all pretty sure it was the flu but the flu test came back negative. This was my first ever flu test and now I know why my kids flop around like Linda Blair while the test is being performed. Have you seen the length of the swab they stick up your nose? I think the nurse practioner touched my brain! For real! Jaime said the stick they stuck up there was pretty dang long, I believe her too! I do have an upper respiratory something and a virus but on the road to recovery. I about punched the nurse practioner when she kept mentioning, "well you have all the symptoms of meningitis." At this point, Jaimes looks scared because if I have meningitis, she does too and Jaime being the children's pastor, well not a good thing for our church!! I just happened to mention my neck being kind of stiff and the NP goes crazy!! Jaime reminded me to tell the NP about a crick in my neck and how it's not truly STIFF just hurting! Then she asked what I was taking and I said I had taken two Percogesic for the body aches and fever (which is like Tylenol and you can buy it at any drugstore.) She then responded with, "Oh. Wow. Hmmm." Then I said in a very annoyed tone, "Why did you just say oh wow?" Then with all of her incredible bed side manner she says, "Where did you get it? What is it? I've never heard of it." Trying not to lose my Jesus on her, "It's like Tylenol, it's on the shelf outside these doors. I can show you." I guess she felt dumb because she says, "I thought you were talking about something else." So she thought I was a drug addict I guess. And then her wonderful bedside manner kicks in again. "Well, if it's not the flu, there is nothing I can do." Frustrated beyond measure I say, "So if I don't have the flu, that's it? You are not going to examine me or anything? Check my ears, my throat, nothing?" "No, I will examine you but there is really nothing I can do." OBVIOUSLY!

So as I wait on the flu test, she tells me she is pretty sure I have the flu and if so I will be off my feet for six days. HA! Yeah, right. Suddenly the timer goes off and she says, "It's negative. I think you have the Noro virus." I thought she said the BOGO virus and that would make sense because I did just go to Payless and buy three pairs of shoes and that means one pair was NOT half price. If only I would have bought ONE more pair, I would be well. Dang it! But then Jaime explains to me in the car that she said Novo but there is no such thing so I think she did say BOGO because I DO NOT have Noro virus. NO WAY!

Be careful ladies, if you are in Payless anytime soon, do NOT buy an odd number of shoes or you will be sick with the BOGO virus. Buy one get half off was never intended for three pairs. What was I thinking?