I'm still hurting. I'm still in that mode of having to keep my flesh in check non-freaking-stop! Right now I feel like my flesh is battling the spirit more than it ever has. This situation is revealing so much to me about the work God has done in my life and how he has changed me. The spirit is winning! Satan planned on using this to destroy me but really it's doing the total opposite. And that right there rocks! While I see a huge work that has been done in my life, I'm also seeing and feeling the work He is trying to accomplish in me currently. For I know He will be faithful to complete the work He began. The Bible tells me so! Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
I'm focusing a lot on Psalm 26 right now. Watch this! 2 Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; Try my mind and my heart. One of the most Godly women I know told me something I will never forget. "Most of the time Amanda, we do not know what is in our hearts." This is exactly why King David prays this prayer. I love how the New Living translation words it. 2Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart. With every single word I speak right now I am having to really check my heart or ask God to. But the thing God is showing me the most is what is in my thoughts. What is going on in my mind? My mind does not want me to do anything but stay in a pit. My mind has me angry. My mind has me thinking some very ungodly things. This battle is forcing me to stay in God's word. I'm telling you I have to be in that Bible non-stop! If not, I'm gonna slip up and step out of God's will and my Husband's covering. I truly believe that if I continue to fill my mind with truth, the mind is going to bow to the spirit. Right now I struggle to trust God. Right now I am not convinced. I'm not even sure how to pray except to ask God to HELP me trust Him. He told me to be still, he told me to keep my mouth shut and so has my husband. BUT! That's just it! My mind has me fixed on the word BUT! And the Holy Spirit says, "No buts! Just be still. Trust me." I'm desperate for Jesus. Desperate.
This is really, really hard. But I'm gonna keep on sharing this with you in hopes there is someone out there feeling the exact same way. If you need a friend to walk with you, I am here. Thank you all so much for your emails and comments. It blesses me so much.
If you have any scriptures you would like to share, send them my way. My house is about to be covered in them. I will have scripture taped to everything in this house over the next few days. I need it!
4 comments:
I have been praying for you Mandi. Right now I am struggling in my own way and it is in praying for others that I find peace. I hope that God sends you encouragement and rest as you work things out.
Praying for you....
2 Chronicles 20:15,
"Do not be afraid of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."
Blessings,
Julie
"The Lord is my Light and my salvation; Whom should I fear? The Lord is the strength in my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
This verse was given to me by my parents about 7 years ago when they went to CA and it was on a plaque with a lighthouse. I still have it and this is the verse I always keep close by! I love it and it has got me thorugh a lot! I hope it can help you get through what you are going through. I will keep praying for you and your family. Love you!
I don't know if you are still wanting scripture posted here, but I came across this verse this morning and was really touched by it. I posted it on my blog. I was just overwhelmed by how much the God of this universe loves me...more then I can fathom.
"May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:17-19
Isn't that awesome? I want to be filled with the fulness of life. I pray that you are as encouraged as I was!
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