This morning I am feeling the cloud beginning to lift. I feel like I am closer to the place God is wanting me to get to. I can see the green meadow He is wanting me to rest in and I can hear the peaceful stream. He is renewing my strength and guiding me along the right path for His name's sake. I'm not afraid for He is right beside me.
A few weeks ago I was praying for my kids and I heard God speaking to me. "All of the passion, creativity and time you put into planning Sunday services, I want that same mindset in your home. I want you to be as excited about being a Mom and wife as you are being on that stage."
The last few weeks I have prayed a certain pray over and over again. "Lord, give me a Mother's heart. Help me to find out who I am as Amanda, the mother." I was not sure what that prayer being answered would look like but daily God has showed me areas where I can nurture them and pour into them. As I have begun to truly connect with my children in new ways, I have felt fulfilled.
Last night I had a conversation with my little musician Josiah. He's five and a half years old and extremely smart. Here's how our conversation went.
me: Josiah, Mommy is feeling like she may need to take a break from singing.
Josiah: what does take a break from singing mean?
me: it means I would not sing for a while. i would be home on Thursday nights. it means i would be here on Sunday mornings to help daddy get you and your brother and sister ready for church. i would take you to your class instead of daddy.
Josiah: but mommy you are a good singer and you have to sing!
me: well, i would not quit singing. i will always sing.
Josiah: will you sing when the piano comes next week and when i get my drums? will you sing music for me while I play?
me: of course! we will make our music together.
Josiah: that will be cool mommy.
me: Josiah do you know how much I love you?
Josiah: yep! your chocolate chip cookies are FULL of love. i can taste it!
I just about burst into tears when he said that! That conversation with him was unforgettable. It means more to me than any kind of praise or satisfaction I could get from anything else.
I'm still listening for God's clear direction. My family, including Jeremy, keeps saying "Make sure you are hearing right. You don't have to give it all up. You can do both." Right now I don't have a peace about doing both. I pray that God will speak to my husband, as the priest of our home, to help solidify all I am feeling lead to do.
Please continue to pray.
Feel free to email me if you would like. I have turned the comments off because I feel it's very important to rely on the Holy Spirit right now for direction and from my friends and family that truly know me and the situation. Sometimes comments throw me off a little. Thank you for reading and praying.
