This morning I have been making breakfast, playing connect four with my family and watching old movies. As I have gone about my morning, something has been in the back of my mind. I felt convicted.
I have said some pretty hateful things about someone. I've talked bad about her and judged her more than I have judged any other person in my life. I've spoken things over her that are not true. I've accused her of things she has not done. My attacks on her have been relentless.
That person I am referring to is MYSELF.
Yesterday I said that I had "major issues". This morning I felt conviction for saying that. It was like the Lord said, "No you DO NOT have major issues. You live life. You fight battles. You never quit. You keep going and you struggle like every other human being on this planet. Stop speaking those things over yourself."
Something has truly clicked with me. I feel like I just dropped off a gigantic suitcase I have been carrying around my whole life. Even as I type this I feel like jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs. In fact, something God showed me is that I am far from crazy and far from having issues because I talk about stuff. I don't hide it, cover it up or pretend it's not there. I run towards it and ask God to change it.
I have new eyes today. I am seeing myself and others in a whole new light. Those people who have been on my back and cursed me with their words, they are not people working the process and their words mean NOTHING!
Today I am making a change. I will NOT gossip about myself ANYMORE!
I am a disciplined, strong, Godly, fun, loving, creative, talented woman of God! And it's okay for me to say it and BELIEVE IT!
8 comments:
WOW! Thanks! I've never really thought about it quite like that....and it is FREEING!!! Thank You for those words!
Angela
You are so right Amanda! I have always admired you for being able to express your feelings. You are a wonderful person!!
life and death are in the power of our tongue. Amanda, as I have said before I pray God keeps revealing these powerful things to you b/c I want you to see yourself as HE sees you... how we your friends see you.. you are an amazing woman. Praise God you feel freedom coming on...
Yes. Praise God. I know that my prayers for you have been answered. You are a wonderful person. I have always said that you don't see what I see. I hope you have a great weekend with your family.
Courtney
Thank you Court!!! I love you! :)I remember you said that to me when we were walking through the mall in Lewisville. Or was it Gvine Mills?
It really struck me when you said that you are done gossiping about yourself. I am so hard on myself. I'm always convicting myself. I need to allow God to change me, to soften me.
Thank you for your being open and letting us know how God is working in your life. I really feel like God brings people, speakers, etc. into my life as I need them. I felt a bit sad when you made your blog private, but I just figured that must mean that was God's will. I was still hopeful and couldn't resist clicking on you address and I felt a sense of joy when you were back.
Thanks,
Julie
Amanda even as God changes me I still find myself describing me as the way I used to be. I have been convicted that I was continuing to speak that death over me. Thank you for sharing. It is definitely easier said than done. God is changing me little by little. Some times I just have to catch up to what He is doing. Transformation is painful and I used to believe it was in the absence of pain that God showed Himself to be good (Everything is going smooth and I have no urest so you are good God). But He is showing me instead that He is good when things are good and when things are bad. I am really enjoying this walk through James. Thanks for all you are doing!
Lynette
AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!! I love that you are aware and SHARE your struggles. It is what makes you who you are AND that helps others along the way. I have told you MANY times that God has used you to speak to me. And, as your wind whipped wave friend (LOL), quite recently you touched me in a way I can't explain. You don't have issues, you have life, a ministry and a gift! I love you my friend! :)
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