day 2

Yesterday was day 2 of the Love Dare and as I read it, I thought of some other people in my life. Not just my husband! Showing kindness when you get nothing in return is hard on so many levels.

There are people in my community who will not so much as wave at me, my husband, even my kids if they pass our house, pass us on the road or pass me running. Do you know how stupid it feels to wave or honk at someone and them not wave back? My husband was recently at the grocery store and saw someone we were very, very close to. Jeremy walked over to this guy's car to try and talk to him and the guy would not even roll down his window to talk to Jeremy. He just smiled. I can see someone doing that to me. I can handle people being ugly to me (well kind of). But my husband? My husband is the sweetest, most kind, giving, warm and friendly man you will ever meet. When Jeremy told me about it, I was shocked! It made my heart pound. But Jeremy said something that made total sense. "Hey, that's HIS stuff. Not mine."

A few weeks ago I was running and waved at someone we were close to in the past. There is no way they did not see me. But no wave back! And you know what? It sucks! Even though it is that person that has to reconcile their behavior, it still feels like crap to be rejected that way. Then last night on the way home from the Gym, it happened again. My kids saw someone on the road next to us. We waved and honked. Nothing in return! I also sent an email a few months ago that I know God wanted me to send. I knew God was wanting me to make something right with someone from my past. I knew I was doing this in the right spirit and mind, email was appropriate. Email is NOT appropriate to confront. I emailed something I had truly prayed God would give me words for. It was not received by the person and probably made me the laughing stock among many. Many nights I laid in bed thinking, "God WHY did you want me to send that? WHY? I feel stupid. Why would you want me to send something that would make me be talked about even more?"

I thought a lot about this last night. Do I talk about it? People are reading this who are not "Amanda fans" and are just plain nosey and would love something to talk about. But then I thought about how this is real life. This is how people act. This is how Christians act. This is how we all act. This is how I have acted in my marriage so many times.

I can be quite the hypocrite when it comes to marriage. I do not always show kindness to my husband. I lash out. I ignore his friendliness (his waves), his gestures. I do stuff for him only to throw it in his face later. Doesn't sound like love to me! But do I show him kindness without worrying about MY rights? Do I look for reason to accommodate or compromise? Am I the first one to greet, smile, serve first, forgive first? Or do I wait for him to do it?

As silly as it sounds, this stupid little thing that ticks me off (people not waving back), has really shown me something about myself and my marriage. In one of these instances, I know I heard God say after I was beating myself up for being nice to someone. "It's never wrong to show kindness. It is wrong to not accept it. Keep extending grace."

Many people in my life have written me off. It feels horrible to be written off. But how many times have I made my spouse feel this way? Does my behavior make Jeremy feel written off?

Again, stupid high school pettiness over hand waving. I KNOW! But that's how us humans act sometimes. Dumb! I say it over and over again. When we get to heaven, if you are a Christ Follower, we will be there together. I have a feeling Christ will sit us down and talk to us all about the times we rejected one another and now at HIS feet, that stupid stuff DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE.

Yes, this was a bit of a vent for me. I hate how people get hurt via the church but I am trying to pick myself up, wipe the dust off my feet and move on. Now can I do that in my marriage? Can I move on from the dumb little arguments? Can I let them go instead of making Jeremy pay by me pouting all night or slamming a door? I'm trying desperately but it is so hard! :)

I failed at Day 2. It's a do over for sure.

Day 2
Do one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness for your spouse.

We got along. We had a great night working out together. But we started talking about something and I got mad and pouted. It could have been a night of "physical connection" but it wasn't.

Lord Jesus, today I will start again. HELP ME to keep showing kindness, extending a hand, even when it's laughed at or ignored. You were laughed at, spit at and beaten. You know what it is like to be rejected. Help me Lord to not reject those I love or even those who have hurt me the most. Help me to serve Jeremy FIRST. Help me to give myself completely to my husband.