What is enough?

I have erased everything I have typed a couple of times now. It's one of those days. The Monday morning blues keep me from being able to communicate how I am feeling. There have been times in the past when I just "vomit" out all of my emotion in blog posts and many of you appreciate the honesty but after I let my "Vomit" simmer, I regret. So it's a new thing for me to think on things, allow myself to feel things and then sit. I do not like to sit. I like to take action! Right now I don't really have anything to take action on. I know what I need to be doing each day. I promise not to "vomit", although morning sickness could make me a liar but I am going to "share". 


The most important thing for me to do each and every day is be a wife, a mom and a teacher. If I know that, why do I wake up today and struggle with whether or not I am doing a good job? I don't doubt my place. I don't question my calling. I do question whether or not I am doing it right or like everyone else. Am I doing enough? 

My Mom called a few minutes ago. She is in route to my house. When we moved a month ago, we moved to a beautiful area. Instead of being right off the interstate on flat land, we are now nestled away several miles off the interstate. Mom loves the Hill Country and loves driving a back way instead of the "busy" way. So she typed my address in her trusty little GPS and headed my way. I called to check in on her and to find out where she was. Well, she was in a town I had never heard of before.Then she explained she was going a new route the GPS was taking her. Instantly I began to worry because when she gets lost, she gets emotional. She assured me she was not lost. Twenty minutes later my phone rang and she was near tears and extremely agitated. "Mom, you need to find I35. If you can get on 35, I can get you here." "Well, I don't know where 35 is or I would." We hung up and she called back again. "I'm in Belton on 35." Now I know exactly where she is and exactly how to direct her to my house. What started as a pretty drive soon became a "I don't know where the heck I am" drive. Not fun!

After hanging up the phone, I could not help but smile. My Mom's mishap with the GPS reminds me so much of my own journey as a wife and mother. I sometimes try to change things up or do something different just to feel better about myself. I think "If I could just do it this way or do it like she (someone I am comparing myself to at that moment) does it, it will be so much better." Soon I find myself "lost" and feeling out of control. At times I am so far off the path I KNOW works, I can't find my way back to it. 

As this School year comes to an end and I prepare to do something "new" next year, I want to make sure I don't plug into someone else's ideas or thoughts and try to make them my own. I have tried to sit down and read Little House On The Prairie to my kids and I hate it. I tried for several days. They were not interested, I was bored, they were bored. I found myself upset and frustrated. When I try to be someone I am NOT, I always end up feeling down on myself. I don't enjoy Chronicles of Narnia or Little House On The Prairie. I don't enjoy sitting around reading books I feel no connection to so I am not going to force myself to do it just because I admire someone else who does. 

The great thing is, I don't have to be something I am not. The truth is I am much better at being the woman God created me to be. I am a fun Mom and because I am fun my kids know how to have fun! We will stick to our books we enjoy. We like to read about worms and snakes and monsters. We like to play games. We like to read about Adventure and gross stuff. We also like to read about ballet dancers and princesses and football and basketball. As the kids get older they may enjoy Chronicles of Narnia but for now we pretty much like bugs and stories of kids who eat fried worms. Works for me!

So if you are like me and wake up some days feeling like you don't know if what you are doing is enough, just be yourself. Your kids like "yourself" more than they like anyone else. Plus if you are comfortable with yourself, they learn to do the same. I don't want to copy other Moms for every idea. I want to use the creativity God gave me. I want to the the Mom to my four children GOD wants me to be. 

Looking ahead at the Summer and thinking about the curriculum I will order, I want to make sure I am doing what I know God called me to do. I don't want to do what everyone else is doing because I am not everyone else. I am ME. 

Sometimes it's nice to plug in the address of your destination to the GPS and allow it to take you somewhere new. But when you see that the GPS is taking you far from your destination, it's good to go back to what you know works.

Lesson of the day? Be yourself Amanda. Don't try to be like anyone else. You are perfect in His sight. Stick to what you know. If you KNOW you are doing exactly what He called you to do, that is enough.