It's funny how Oprah often has episodes on people who love their jobs or made their dreams come true with their choice of profession. Never do you hear about women like me who love being a wife, stay at home mom, Homeschool teacher, toilet cleaner, laundry folder and menu maker. You just hear about the "sad mom" stories. Our society has taught women to chase after a career and because of that women limit the number of children they have. Society has taught women that without a degree, they simply have nothing to offer. I come across so many Moms who are still trying to figure out what they want to do because this world constantly tells them that being a Mom is not enough. I'm hear to tell you, IT IS! Motherhood is not a job intended to be on the side. It's something we have to give our whole lives to. It is a hard job. Extremely hard! But it is worth every second. If being a Mom is the ONLY thing you have to do all day, IT IS ENOUGH! It is the highest calling.
As I carry this fourth child at 34 years of age, I am reminded that having babies in my twenties or when I was 30 was so different. My body, even though I am still young, feels this pregnancy in a much different way. I am usually someone who LOVES being pregnant and while I still do, this has been the most challenging pregnancy yet and I am not even half way there. I'm tired all the time. I also have the "prolapsed cervix" issue that limits my activity. Before this pregnancy I was the most active I have ever been. Now I am told by the Doctor "No running, no exercise, no shopping. Stay off your feet until this baby is higher up into your abdomen. (our goal is 20 weeks)". I have felt depressed, defeated and completely out of control. The morning sickness still lingers in week 14. In fact I was on the phone yesterday with a dear friend and suddenly had to end the conversation because I gagged while talking. :) Funny to think about now. Yesterday afternoon I was in my bed just trying to sit still so I would not get sick. Thankfully Josiah and Ava Beth can get snacks and drinks but I hate that. I hate them feeling like I am not there to serve them. They are unloading the washer for me and putting stuff into the dryer and then taking clothes out of the dryer. They are vacuuming, they are sweeping. Ava Beth unloads the dishwasher while Josiah puts them away. They are doing so much to help me! Oh and Jeremy is going above and beyond!!! Words can't even describe how much help he is. But I also I know it is hard on him.
My family (our six) and home is my whole life. It's what I do best! To not be able to fully fulfill the role as wife and mom right now is KILLING me!! Josiah has 7 more days of school and I'm sad that He will no longer be a first grader. Next year I will have a second grader and kindergartner! Where has the time gone? Because I see how time flies, I struggle right now to be off my feet. I feel like I am not out making end of school year memories or baking cookies like I was. Although today I have decided we will bake cookies! Baking cookies brings a "happy" to all of us!
As lousy as I feel right now, I press on. I am on a mission. It's called MOTHERHOOD! Every argument I referee is a moment to teach forgiveness. Every fit thrown (sometimes by Mommy) is a time to teach self control. Every tear that is cried is a chance to share the comfort of the Lord and every hug that is given is an opportunity God gives me to redeem the past. These children are a gift and a dream come true. As tired as I feel right now, when I serve my family, the Holy Spirit fills me up. He gives me strength.. He is my portion. He gives me everything I need.