boy or girl?

For weeks I have been nervous and even distracted about whether or not this baby is a boy or girl. Ava Beth talks about a baby sister non-stop and has prayed for a baby sister, even before I was pregnant. Logistically, a girl would be best for our house. We live in a three bedroom and the boys share a room so adding a girl would be easy. Girls in one room, boys in a another. Two boys and two girls, perfect!  There are so many reasons why I find myself wanting another girl and I have dwelled on those reasons so much that the thought of a boy seemed scary. Jeremy truly believes this is a boy as well as my Mom and some others. The kids refer to the baby as a "she" all the time. Just yesterday Ezekiel said "Can you get the baby out so I can hold her?".  I hear "her", "she", "sister" and the girl name we have chosen all the time. My desire for a girl has made it next to impossible to find a boy name that I felt clicked.

Monday we have our sonogram to reveal the sex of the baby. This is a big day!  I am 18 weeks today so will be close to 19 weeks on Monday. This is the longest I have ever had to wait to find out because in Dallas I have had friends who are sonographers and told me each at 15 weeks and they were always right. Because of that, this seems like it is taking forever. I have laid in bed at night unable to sleep because I have actually worried about having another boy.  My boys are WONDERFUL and so much fun but I have had in my head that this one has to be a girl.  Of course these feelings were making me feel very conflicted. I don't want to feel like this if it IS a boy. How awful! I have been telling the kids almost daily that God already knows the sex of this baby and He chose boy or girl which means whichever will be PERFECT.  This past week I began praying for peace in my heart. I also began asking the Lord to give us a name. Not having a name was making it even more difficult for me to get excited about the possibility of a boy. Since we for sure had a girl name, it was all I could think about.

Of course I am BLESSED with boy or girl and I know that plenty of women would love to be able to have babies so I am not going to get caught up on the sex. But when you have older children and they make their wishes known, it's hard. Ava Beth has her heart set on a sister and while I pray she gets one, I also know how incredible it would be to have three brothers and for me to have three sons (warriors). This would make my relationship with Ava Beth even more special and unique. So as my thoughts have begun to slowly find peace (the Holy Spirit's work, no doubt), I have found a name. The boy name I love JUST AS MUCH as the girl name. I feel such a connection to it.  Jeremy at first was not so sure but when I researched the name and gave him all the background of what it meant, he seem convinced. :)

Today I feel such incredible peace and I am so excited either way. Now when the sonogram comes I can be excited and giddy as I know the name for my son or daughter.  I even feel like this could be a boy now. I have felt like it's a girl from day one. It's all I could picture but something today switched.  Possibly it's the Lord's way of preparing me for Monday or maybe it's just having the name brings peace.  I think both. Who knows!

Now you know I can't keep it in any longer. I have tried and I just can't and now as excited as I am, I really can't!  We do not have middle names nailed down for sure. But the first names seem to be SOLID. Feel free to comment on what you think we are having because I am totally excited no matter what!

Our girl name is...

Evangeline - bearer of good news
(no Eva, Evie, etc. Evangeline is the name)

Our boy name is...

Jude- One who praises God
(and yes, Jude is a Bible name. It is the last book in the Bible before Revelation and it is POWERFUL!)


Monday when I know if we are having  Baby Evangeline or Baby Jude, I will share WHY the name and what the story is behind it. Until then, we wait with much excitement!!!! The count down is ON!