Tuesday, August 31, 2010
a work in progress
There is a cute short story in one of the Frog and Toad books called "A List." Toad sits in bed one morning when he first wakes up and makes a list of what he will do that day. The first thing on his list? WAKE UP. Since he was already awake, he joyfully marked it off his list.
Wake Up. He found such joy in marking off his list of things to do. And boy can I relate! A pack of post it notes in my Christmas stocking is perfect because I am a list maker. There are plenty of list makers out there who make lists but never get around to doing what is on the list, therefore the list is really pointless. My list gets marked off and when something comes along that isn't on the list, my eyes begin to twitch. This is the part of me I abhor. In the Frog and Toad book, Toad is taking a walk with Frog when suddenly his list is blown away by the wind. When Frog begins to tell Toad to run after the list, Toad panics. "I can't run after the list. Running after the list is not on the list." So Toad sits down while Frog chases after his list. Frog comes back to deliver sad news. He was unable to retrieve the list. Toad sits looking depressed because he can't do anything without the list. Finally Frog suggests going to sleep since it is getting dark and Toad remembers "GO TO SLEEP" was on his list. So he picked up a stick, wrote GO TO SLEEP in the dirt then marked it out. Go to sleep. Then he went to sleep.
It's funny how much I can relate to Toad. I don't make a list sitting in bed and I can be somewhat flexible but making "A List" is where I find comfort. Each time I mark off a baby item I no longer need for Jude because someone has given it to me or I have made a purchase, I feel relieved. My blackberry is full of lists I make while I am out and about and don't have post it notes on me (even though those are in my purse but the kids have been known to get them out). I've got a "Christmas" list for each child, "baby items needed" list, "people I need to call" list and so on. I even make reminders on my phone that will sound an alarm to keep me aware of things not done. The truth is, I don't enjoy going with the flow. Another baby added to the mix will no doubt add tally marks next to my "learning to be flexible" category, which is on a list. Well, a list in my mind at least. There are all sorts of things Motherhood and Homeschooling will bring out in you. Some of it is challenging but most of it is needed because God is constantly molding, shaping and changing me to be more like Him.
Wednesdays of my week starting next week will no doubt be a day to challenge me. I won't be in control of that day. Instead of me controlling the schedule, it will control me. But I am learning to get out of my comfort zone. The fact that I am doing natural childbirth with baby #4 is a testament to God changing me. This will be the first baby that does not have a date on the calendar with a planned induction. Just yesterday I found myself trying to figure out a schedule with my Mom on what it will look like when I go into labor. My eyes begin twitching just thinking about having NO CONTROL over how it will play out. What will I do with the kids? How fast can my Mom drive to Austin? What if it's in the middle of the night? My Mom gently said "Mandi, there can be no plan this time."
I am one week away from next Wednesday and I am already twitching. Two hours of co-op, lunch, dance, school, family, dinner, etc. It is not what I would choose for my schedule but it is what my kids need so I have to relinquish control. I wanted this day of stuff to be on Fridays not Wednesdays but it did not work out how I planned. Obviously I need some major growth in this area. I am disappointed that I am not further along in this area but this is where my Heavenly Father will take up the slack and I can rely on Him.
spend time with Jeremy
Go to bed
Not really! I am just kidding with y'all but you get the point.