Friday, September 17, 2010

from Josiah

I had to scan this into my computer because it meant so much to me. My kids are amazing because I find letters like this all over the house. I write them notes and they love it so they have learned my love language early in life! It's no secret to them that I have had a difficult week. In the past I tried to hide my emotions from them until a wise woman told me to allow your children to see and know when you are hurting. Allow them to comfort you. Share with them the process and how God is working on you. While I don't share the content of why I am hurting, I do let them know when I am in the midst of a trial. And in case you haven't figured it out, your kids know anyway! 

I have not had a week like this in so long that I finally had to just tell them "Mommy is hurting right now. There are many things going on around me and I am trying to seek the TRUTH through His Word and prayer." I also explained that we have 6-8 weeks left before Jude comes and I may seem irritable sometimes and that when they see that to just pray for me. 

It's not healthy for them to know every single time I am upset about something but I do believe it is important to involve them in the journey. They learn so much from us and they watch how we resolve conflict, etc. I don't want them to hear me on the phone or hear me say anything ugly about anyone. It does happen on occasion and I have to go to them and explain that I was wrong or that we do not gossip or spend time talking about other people. 

But when I allow them to see that I am in the midst of wrestling through something, I make sure they see me writing in my prayer journal, that they hear me praying about needing God's help and that they experience me fully trusting in God. I have seen it make a HUGE impact on Josiah and Ava Beth both.

The night before last Josiah came into my bedroom with a piece of paper and said "I was trying to go to sleep but the Holy Spirit told me I should tell you how much I love you and to let you know I am your friend." The note above is what he handed me. Little did he know that I had been praying all day long for the Lord to protect me and to truly show me who was in my life to be my FRIEND. Josiah had NO idea that I had prayed that prayer but the Holy Spirit did and He used my son to share the TRUTH! I hate when I hear parents say that we are not meant to be our children's friends. Who can be a better friend to them than us?! No one! And they are meant to be our friends too. They don't bare our burdens like our adult friends do but they grow up believing they are capable of healthy friendships because they learned to be friends with us. They will be our best friends in life! 

This past week I have pushed away my closest and bestess friend here in Austin. She revealed such Godly character to me when she called yesterday and said "Enough is enough. We are sisters and you are not pushing me away this time. You can't put me in the same category as others because I love you and I have to have you in my life." She has been loyal to me when I have not. She has been patient with me when I have been just down right ugly. I have hurt her with my words and actions but she has taught me so much about God's love in how she has loved me. Our relationship has truly practiced confession and forgiveness countless times (much like sisters) and we are bound together. Earlier in the week I had such irrational feelings and thoughts and I truly believe I was under attacks on so many levels. How incredible it is to have a friend who prays and gets in God's Word and is able to KNOW that's what was happening. She also said "I knew there was some crazy hormones taking over too!" and she was right! Thank you Naomi. Thank you for forgiving me and I love you.

I have three best friends in this world and then my mentor/spiritual/homeschooling mother in Virginia who all speak truth to me constantly. They bust me for bad attitudes, wrong thinking and SIN continually. They DO NOT let me do any stinkin' thinking and they are protective of me. They pray for me when I don't even know it and they fight for me! Naomi, Kelly and Tiffany all three have each other's phone numbers now and we have an agreement that they will join forces when I am relying on untruths and allowing the enemy to dictate my emotions. I fully expect Naomi to say "Don't make me call the Dallas girls cause I will!" and she will! Everything has been exposed this week and brought to light so the devil has become bored. When you bring women together to fight, he doesn't stand a chance.

I'm almost 35 years old and thank God I am not where I was and the growth that has taken place is amazing. But I am so blessed that He is finished with me yet! It's going to keep getting better!

Thank you Lord, Jesus for using my Husband, my children and my friends to wrap your arms around me this week and pour your love on me. I have felt every second of it! 

And thank you for the Holy Spirit that is already working so mighty in my children's lives! I love how they have learned to HEAR your voice!

Loved by MANY (and always working on believing it),



Anonymous said...

I love how the Holy Spirit is working through Josiah and you to show whats most important-loving one another! We serve an awesome God! My heart is filled with your gracious, sincere words and I thank you for your heart and love for me! I am so proud of Josiah- and seeing the affection he showed you through that note,it shows how your role and mission as a mother is being fullfilled and making an impact! I am proud of you, and again thank you for your friendship! love you!

Tiffany said...

What PRECIOUS, ANOINTED words from the Lord through Josiah!

Gosh...I would FRAME that one, for those tough days when you doubt every second that you're even making an impact. What a treasured reminder of the Holy Spirit's love and healing power.

Your children are already rising up and calling you blessed, Amanda! HOW AWESOME!!!

Love you...Thanks for sharing your journey with us...amazing!

Happy Friday!!!
Tiff ;)

Lyn said...

Hi there! I think I comented once before - you don't know me but I love reading your blog. You are so REAL and sometimes it is hard to find that out there.
From an "outsider's" perspective: I think you are an amazing mother - don't ever doubt what you are doing as you raise them. Every person (mother) is different and I can see the incredible qualities you have and just wanted to take the time to sit down and tell you that. We all have our ups & downs - it is refreshing to sit here everyday and read your words - whether you are frustrated, tired, upset or happy - you OWN your feelings and that in itself is incredible! :)

Christina said...

Hey Amanda, I haven't commented in a while. Been hectic here in Canada getting ready for homeschool etc.... but I wanted to say thank you for sharing your heart with us again and again. I'm sorry that you have been hurting but I see that the Lord has turned your tears into praise. Praise God for that! How precious your children are to lift you up like that. God works in ways that wouldn't think of but His ways are truly the best! Love you and your blog. <3

Kelly Ann said...

Josiah's note brought me to tears! His heart is SO tender and the Lord is teaching him such compassion. I also believe our children should know what is going on in our lives. The details should be age appropriate, but they need to know that we are human too! How else are they supposed to navigate life if we don't show them the ups AND the downs? You are doing an awesome job pointing them to the TRUTH and to the One who matters most! Love you friend!