You have turned my mourning into dancing for me; You have put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
To the end that my tongue and my heart and everything glorious within me may SING praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalm 30:11-12
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Only the tough survive
My friend Jessica who lives in Oregon text me yesterday and as always she encouraged me beyond belief and of course made me laugh. I really think we are sisters from another Mother. We even look alike! Anyway I was sharing with her how I was feeling and she sent me the following text. "It's not easy, only the tough can survive! You are doing great!!!!! And if you're already thinking of #5 you're way tough!!!" What's funny is how much that text made me feel free. So it's okay to think this is tough? You see I never allow myself to feel those things because I can always think of others who have it way tougher! And I don't like to stay in that mode of pity. I like to sweep over those feelings and be tough. But sometimes I just don't feel very tough. Jessica is a mother of 5. She has two boys, twin boys and a beautiful baby girl. If anyone knows anything about being tough it's HER! Thank you Jess! Homeschool with a newborn isn't so bad. He sleeps a lot right now. But homeschool with the other three is HARD. I can't help them all three at the same time and that creates a lot of frustration for all of us. Also I can't keep up with the house and laundry like I normally do and that in itself is sending me over the edge. I don't function well in chaos or mess. Yesterday I had a complete meltdown. Josiah said "you are not the mom you used to be." Ouch! Jeremy got home, walked in, opened his wallet and handed me cash. "Go to starbucks and don't come back for at least 2 hrs. You never get time away or alone and I know you need it so go enjoy time by yourself." I didn't argue. I had just fed Jude so it was doable. I jumped in the car, went to Starbucks and drove so I could listen to worship music. It was heaven! My friend Kate said "Go spend time with the one waiting for you." And that's what I did! Thankfully when I came home, everything was under control and Jeremy and the kids had folded all the clothes and put them away! I was so excited! School took ALL day yesterday and as I sit here at the table while they independently work, I have a feeling it may be another long one. But today I'm rolling with it! I'm learning to let go of control. Wow that's hard for me! It's obviously another kink being worked out in me so I'm jumping on board for HIM to do His work! Am I tough? Well, today I feel tough. Tomorrow I may feel weak but in my weakness, HIS strength will be made perfect. Thank you Jess for allowing God to speak through you! And It's a miracle no one had a meltdown while I quickly typed this post!
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9