reality

If you have spent any amount of time surfing the net, looking for Homeschool blogs (maybe even this blog), you know how it can make you feel. Inadequate, insecure, maybe even lonely. I've been struggling the last few days with rebellious little ones, MY grumpy attitude and chores. If I'm honest, I shouldn't be blogging. I should be folding! Unfortunetly, I've been in a bit of a funk. Ordering curriculum, second guessing my choices, planning our School year, and spending too much time wondering what everyone else is doing. Blogs are great. They inspire me, encourage me, and fill me with fresh ideas. Something all Homeschool Moms need! But, do the blogs, tweets and Facebook updates give an accurate picture of the Homeschool day? Let's take homeschool out of it. Does it portray an accurate picture of that individual? Probably not.

Obviously I do not share the days I dont see eye to eye with a friend or my spouse. I don't share every fit thrown by my children. Last week when I tossed threw the jelly spoon across the room, I didn't tweet the event. But, I do have some splattered jelly on my ceiling in the kitchen left as proof. Not my finest moment, but a REAL one. I do not believe bloggers, tweeters or facebookers should share detailed GUTS of their struggles. Sometimes people share too much. However, I do feel some take it to an opposite extreme. We all know life is messy. It's packed full of trials and tribulations. Sharing those struggles (with discretion) can be a very powerful thing. It frees others up to know you struggle just like them. It frees yourself up!

My "30 days of Summer" is full of wonderful pictures of the things we are doing. You are seeing things I've baked or cooked for supper. You are seeing the "happy" moments. You are seeing the things I allow you to see. Please know that while I have chosen my curriculum, ordered more than half of it, and displayed great joy over the new year, I'm struggling. I'm scared of the new load, scared about our new schedule, and wondering how we will do it all. Making lists, searching other blogs, and buying organizational tools help me to "feel" ready. Regardless of my preparation, my experience or my knowledge, I'm still feeling overwhelmed. So please keep in mind, as you blog surf (at Mama Sings too), not everytng is perfect. We all have fears. We all have struggles. I am constantly praying for God to speak peace to me. I'm constantly asking Him to bring affirmation to me that I am enough. It's a hard journey but a beautiful one.

I pray God will show you today that you are not alone. I have a couch full of laundry and more in the dryer! I go in spurts. I am not always behind but, I have four children and I'm behind A LOT. There are blogs about laundry and how to organize it (done that). There are books about house cleaning (read them), and books on how to plan your day (I may try those next). But, on a day like today, I just need peace. Peace that only comes from my Lord, Jesus Christ.

The REALITY is, my life isn't perfect. The pictures reveal the "happy", but my heart reveals the struggles. I'm in the midst of a house needing to be cleaned. I have an old running injury that makes me hurt, and I'm worried about stuff a little too personal to share. I will continue to share the joy of having an amazing husband and children, often through pictures. I will also try to make more of an effort to remind you that you are not alone in your struggles. I love my life. I am blessed beyond measure but, I have hard days. Really, really hard days. Today is one of them.

Time to fold clothes!