I'm truly losing my mind. I'm feeling like everything about me is changing like never before. I've been swinging from side to side for the last four years trying to understand "the church", other believers, holiness, my Christian journey and what it looks like for me. I've been so judgemental of friends and family members. I've made fun of them for only watching TBN or other Christian tv. I've been annoyed that they only listen to worship music. I've been annoyed that they don't do Halloween. I've thought they were out of touch. I've thought they were sidelined, benched, only able to reach a few people because of their "Jesus freak" talk.
But now I see something different and feel it too.
While I can't know their hearts or know if they chose "to do" or "not to do" something based on legalism (which is common), they do live for HIM. They live for Jesus and proudly proclaim Him! All the while I sit back thinking they fall under the "freak" category. How dare me! Maybe they watch certain channels and listen to certain music because they no longer have a taste for the other. Maybe that's what Holiness looks like for them. How dare me say they can't be used to change lives! I keep thinking about something I have heard a lot of preachers say. "When we get to heaven, we are going to be surprised who we see." Dierks Bentley sings a song about it. But something I said to my friend last week was, "I think we will be surprised who we don't see." This election, this time in our country, is proving that Christ followers are turning a deaf ear and blind eye to so many things. There is an obvious sifting I feel that God is doing. And what about that narrow road the Bible talks about? Where are all the Christ followers standing together in truth? Will we sit back an accept gay marriage? Will we continue to be okay with almost 4,000 abortions performed every single day? When will we fight? When will we open the alters at our churches and CRY OUT FOR JESUS? I'm not saying marriage and parenting and other sermon topics should not be preached, they should. But we have forgotten what will save our marriages and our children. It's JESUS!!!!
And now I am losing my taste. I have no desire to watch tv. I have no desire. I feel lonely. I think this is where God must have me. I'm blocking everything else out and turning to Him so I will hear His voice. I want to be a woman who will fight for Him, speak for Him and live for Him. I may lose all my friends doing so but I believe He has called me to be radically transformed.
When Jeremy and I met, we met at Church. In fact, the first day I met him, I was prophesied over about someone coming into my life who would come along side Christ and bring healing to my life (Long story). Also on that day, I received the gift of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues. It was the most incredible time in my life as a follower of Christ. My husband, before we were married, was taking me down to the alter and praying over me. People were being healed. People were dancing and in love with Jesus. Because of some issues with family who also attended the church, we left. And since then we have never found any place like it. Those people had radical, contagious faith. Nothing was getting in their way of Jesus!
The Holy Spirit is reminding me of that time in my life and something deep within has began to stir. I want more of HIM! I want ALL of HIM! I want every gift He has for me! And as I chase after Him, I lose my taste for all the other stuff. I want to be in love with Jesus!!!!!!!
He is setting me apart. It is lonely but He is with me on this journey. I don't care what people say about me. I don't care what they think. I'm going to live my life to please Jesus.
Are you allowing yourself to be set apart? That's what I am asking myself.
15 comments:
I've been talking about you to my husband this weekend. I told him how awesome it is to see God so clearly working in your life. I'm always so worried about offending people, but I need to focus more on what God wants me to do. My father in law sent my kids this horrible Halloween gift. It was scary and felt evil. The first thing my husband did when we got home from church was throw it in the garbage. The kids were concerned about how Grandpa would feel, and my husband explained that we put God first and we don't allow evil into our home. I so admire your courage. Thank you for your openness. I feel so scared to think about being that open with people, but I feel like God is using you to show me that it's all about Him.
Thank you!!
Julie
Thank you Julie. THANK YOU. God used you to give me some MUCH NEEDED encouragement!
Thank you!
From across the miles, know that I can feel your heart.
Your heart is true - Jesus will take you the rest of the way...the path may be narrow, but it's HIS path.
I'll stand with you.
I love you.
Once again, I love your excitement and your *stand* for Jesus. You inspire me and give me courage.
we don't do Halloween and that is why I asked you per my email about it. I didn't know if it was something you'd prayed about or what your views were. As a woman trying to follow God that is why I asked b/c I like to get insight from others on things at times. Ultimately we will do what calls us to but it is neat to hear other peoples take on things. I believe God is stiring the hearts of those who will be obedient. I've heard it said all my life that God is coming back but I have to be honest, I believe he really is. SOON! I want to be ready! Did you listen to the cd?
I have said "no" to things in my life based on legalism and people pleasing. And frankly, being bound by legalism is still bound!
Thankfully, the Lord has done much in many areas in my life, so that I can be sensitive to His Spirit for my yes' and no's. I'm still a work in progress, but so grateful He finds me worth it!
Thanks for your honesty in this post.
MORE THOUGHTS :)
We do celebrate Halloween. We also do Santa Clause. I don't feel it's something hindering the walk of me or my children. I grew up very worried and afraid and never got to nurture imagination or fun make believe occasions like most children, so I feel like God has used the imagination or make believe seasons in my children's lives to redeem me in many ways.
Amazing racer, Holiness is what I long for, not legalism!!! I think that someone's pursuit of Holiness often comes across legalistic because of the way it is talked about. Me not watching television could easily (i still watch tv just not certain programs) turn legalistic if I am judging those that do. Just because I don't watch it, doesn't mean I will put down my friends who watch. However I do pray they do not become numb to the things in this world.
I think the only way someone "looking in" can decide whether or not someone is pursuing holiness or living by a set of legalistic rules is how they LOVE others.
There are many Christians who have their heads stuck in the church with their butts stuck in the pew, but they don't LOVE.
I do believe God calls us to be set apart, different, Holy and unfortunately many believers are not at a place in their walk where they are willing to be DIFFERENT.
You are speaking such words of wisdom- wow! God is using you in a mighty way to encourage me (and others!).
I believe this is what we are called to be as real Christians, set apart in our passion for Him. He doesn't need to demand our devotion / passion, or bind us in legalism, because when our hearts are passionate for Him we lose our taste for those things of this world.
Yes, it can be lonely, and often is. So thank you for sharing your heart, and helping others to feel less alone. I know my spirit is full after reading this:-)
(This morning God awakened me at 3:30 a.m. and all I could sense Him saying was "In His rightesousness"... I got up and prayed and read His Word, and feel so strengthened. I am covered in His rightesousness- praise God! I am not an early morning person, but I will do whatever it takes to fill myself with His wisdom for my day.)
and P.S.
The time is coming, the time is pretty much here, when we will be hated. Christians will turn on other Christians.
The Bible speaks about the things going on right now!!!! Even Christ followers are not hearing the truth anymore.
It's scary. I want to do WHATEVER I can to seperate myself from this world and hear the voice of Jesus!!!
I have been trying so hard to come online to comment but haven't had the chance. I'm EXCITED about everything going on in your life. I can feel your passion through your words and chills literally run up and down my spine. What you are experiencing is exactly what I've been going through the last 5 years. I have been called many things because of the stands I take and I've been looked at as a "weaker believer" because of them. Which left me very confused. Right now I am on a journey of really understanding how deep Jesus' love for me goes. Sometimes I get so stuck in how much I suck that I don't think Jesus can ever love me. In so many ways your love for Him fills me and for that so much more I thank you. Never stop pouring your heart out because you fill people up. God is using you to touch people you will never meet on this side of heaven. He is so good.
completely agree w/you amanda.
great thoughts - i think so often we are not renewing our minds and our just content to swim in the dirty water with everyone else.
i'm feeling that pull too - i'm ready to give into something heavenly...
Thanks for sharing this....another great "heart" check...I love when the Holy Spirit nudges us closer to HIM...thanks for sharing your experience...be blessed!
Tracy ; )
Lonely is such a good description. We are going through such a trial right now with our church and I am reminded of the many posts that you have shared during your church journey. I am burdened with so many things I need to write about.
Even within the church we still need to align ourselves with His word. It seems so simple to just reconcile everything with scripture, but yet I still find myself putting hope in man.
Thanks for sharing.
I wrote about Halloween last year and I loved a particular writing from John MacArthur that I linked to. I'll send it to you ;)
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