thoughts

A friend of mine sent me a text a little while ago expressing how proud she was of me. She said she was "amazed" by my ability to Homeschool. I can't help but laugh because I am still amazed that I do this "Homeschool thing" too. And most days I don't feel amazing. Hardly! Every single one of my close friends does not Homeschool. A few of them have considered and may change their mind someday but the majority of the time I feel very alone.

It's quite the challenge to find other Homeschooling Moms I connect with. I'm not the stereo typical Homeschooling Mom. Although I gain so much knowledge and wisdom from those Moms who pride themselves on modesty, no TV watching and limited access to today's media. I totally understand their point of view but some of their methods and ways of teaching do not fit me or my children. Again, I love the wisdom I gain from these Mom's because all of us have something in common. Every Homeschooler will tell you how much they enjoy the opportunity of building character in their children at home. For us, it's Godly character. This is at the top of the list for our Homeschool. While our country worships the God of education, we worship the God Almighty.

The first year of Homeschool I fought the urge to tell the critics how much more my son was getting at home rather than a traditional school setting. Everything he knew proved me right. But I used it as a weapon when I was criticised for homeschooling. I've had my education questioned. I've had people wondering if my kids would be "social" (that always makes me laugh). I've even felt friendships change over my decision to Homeschool. This year, my second year, I received a gift. Confidence. I know I am doing what God has called me to do. I no longer feel the need to use my child's knowledge and over achievement as a weapon. The critics are still there and always will be. But being with my children every single day and seeing how confident they are in who they are becoming, lets me know this is the greatest calling on earth.

Now for some brutal honesty I must tell you this is also the HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life. The past two days I have wanted to pull my hair out, scream or cry. While all of my friends are dropping their kids off at school, I'm trying to find ways to keep myself patient, kind and loving. It's a challenge. I daily face a huge obstacle in my life. SELFISHNESS! Quickly the Holy Spirit reminds me this is all about serving my children. It's not about me. When Josiah sits at the table complaining about how tired he is or how his hand is tired and he can't write anymore, I sometimes lose it. When the 2 year old is screaming and climbing on top of the school table, I feel like grabbing the watermelon in my kitchen and throwing it as hard as I can across the room (i had that thought today). When Ava Beth is not paying attention and doodles on her paper instead of writing her name, I feel frustrated. And let's not forget the pile of laundry I can't keep up with because my day is consumed with English, Spelling, Math, Coloring, Reading and melt downs. There are definite moments I want to scream and I admit sometimes I do.

Even so, we remain a team. I'm the coach and I won't give up on my players. For this is the greatest time in the life of my family and each day gets better.