Thursday, September 16, 2010
I've always loved Wynonna Judd and teased Jeremy for a while when I was pregnant with Ava Beth that I was going to name her Wynonna. She has always been someone who has a story of pain but always ends up getting back up to fight and win! Because of that, she has incredible influence on so many people.
When I found out she was going to be on Oprah this week, I had to dvr the episode. I just had a chance to watch it today when we finished up School and there were so many things she said that I loved! "In my darkest hour I had a choice to make -- I could be a victim or a victor." I LOVE THAT! And I feel like in many ways that I have made it my life's calling to be THE VICTOR. I hate to stay down. I hate to stay stuck. I hate to run away from things. I like to face the enemy head on. No one enjoys being around a victim.
Another thing she said was that she has learned to share everything. The good and the bad. The pretty and the ugly and while it has been her greatest strength, it has also been her greatest burden. When she said that, my eyes instantly welled up with tears. That is exactly how I feel! Wynonna said that when she was in the airport one day that someone asked her "Why do you share all of that dirty laundry with the world?" and she explained to Oprah that she has decided to share the gross parts because she wants to be a teacher. She wants God to use her to help teach others. And that's what I want God to use me for!
For about five minutes this morning I removed a couple of posts on my blog. It seems like in the last couple of days I have opened pandora's box and things are flying at me from out of no where. And really, it's not from out of no where! Even though I have been attacked by other people, RANDOM attacks, I had to realize that my battle was not with those questioning my choices. My battle was with the enemy. I did not get there all on my own. I had a pretty incredible phone call this morning from someone I look up to more than anyone else in my life. She said "Throwing your pearls to the swine also means your tears too. Don't give people your time and tears." I had never thought of it that way. WOW! And my blog posts are up! I will not run, I will not be embarrassed or regretful for my story and my process in life. I will embrace the fact that I have GUTS to share the yucky stuff.
So often in my life I have given others control because of how I have handled their words about me. Today I was able to separate some things. Where they were coming from, who they were coming from and whether or not what they were saying lined up with the WORD. Criticism and judgement thrown my way this week was not coming from people I was in covenant with and based on the delivery method of their words it was not coming from a place of integrity either. Furthermore, their words DID NOT match up to how God feels about me either. This is where the scripture I posted last night came into play.