Monday, October 17, 2011

Pent-up

For the last few weeks Jeremy and I have prayed and prayed and prayed about a church home. Where would our family thrive? Where could He use our Family for His kingdom? WHERE? As we spent weeks praying, and listening to the kids pray about this during our prayer time, I kept hearing the Holy Spirit speaking something to my heart. "Return to your first love." I KNEW what this meant. I knew the passage these words came from and I KNEW it was from the Lord because it was straight-up WORD! (Revelation 2:1-7) I studied the passage in Revelation and the Holy Spirit began to speak to me in some amazing ways.

I shared everything with Jeremy. I asked questions. "How did you feel when you first accepted Christ? Did you experience emotion? What happened?" All of my questions had to do with what I felt like the Lord was speaking. Then we talked a lot about what it was like when we first met, became engaged and married. All in six months! We talked about this for a few weeks until we finally began to get on the same page. Jeremy began to share what he DID NOT want in a church. I shared what I DID WANT. My list and his list came together. We agreed that no church would be perfect. There would be things that bothered us. There would be scripture interpretation we did not agree with. But there were things we could not budge on. Non-negotiables!

And guess what? You can find a spirit-filled church that IS NOT emergent, that DOES NOT put on a "show" and will let you keep your kids in the service with you IF you want. Our kids went to their age appropriate classes and I was soooooooo nervous. They are with me ALL the time. They are with each other ALL the time. They ALL four did amazing and came out excited!

I cry thinking about this. God knew how much we needed this. We have been praying the Lord would take us to the perfect place for our family. Will this be where we end up? Well, we prayed our guts out and so did some of you in hopes of NOT having to visit several churches. This was the same method I used in finding a midwife. :) God knows where we will end up, but I feel like for the first time in three years, we are both on the SAME page when it comes to finding a church home. One Sunday at a time.

God knows us so well. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Worship yesterday was MEDICINE to my soul. The message was on Ephesians 5. The Pastor talked about painted lines and guardrails. It was an analogy that I think God gave to the Pastor for us to hear. "Our culture gives us painted lives. God's Word gives us guardrails." Jeremy and I talked a lot about a couple of areas in our family and our individual lives that need guardrails. Some areas that need extra protection! Paul tells the Church of Ephesus they are living in the days of evil so they have to make sure they live a spirit filled life. I personally needed clarification on some things in that passage and got it! It struck a chord with me on some sin in my life.

At the end of the message the pastor asked "What is God speaking to you today?". Simple question but it really hit home with me. I can think of two specific areas in my life where I am hitting some guardrails and those guardrails were not meant to be hit. Relationships and my words. It was pretty cut and dry. When God speaks, there is no denying. It was confirmation.

I've made so many mistakes in my life, but He constantly gives me beauty for my ashes. Thank you, so much, my Lord. I am nothing without you.

We sang this song yesterday during worship. The kids and I worship to Hillsong in the car constantly. I have sang this song many, many times. But yesterday was different. This time I felt something being released that had been pent-up for a long time. I feel like some repressed emotion is finally being let loose!




3 comments:

Kelly said...

I love the way you and Jeremy talk things through. Praying for your spirits to be led wherever your church home is.

Hugs Friend!

Karen said...

COMMUNICATION is the key to a strong and healthy relationship, especially with our husbands. I love when I hear that a husband "listens". Something I need to work on -- listening. I loved the guardrail example.

I am praying that God truly orders the steps of your family.

I love you.

Amanda said...

Thank you my friend! It was nice to be surrounded by worshipers. We are all so messed up in this world, but I love what happens when you invite the Holy Spirit to come in and penetrate the pain.

Thank you for always praying! I love you Kelly!!

Thank you Mom!! I love u!